Friends Possible?

It's been just over a week since the break-up. Sure, it's not as monumental as Diana and Charles, but for me, it's still big. I think I'm handling it well. Blogging helps. Blogging allows me to think out my feelings.

Of course, you might be thinking that I've only done one post and one mention. Not true. I've written more. I've just had the sense to delete other posts before they were published.

I just can't wrap my head around it at times.

I am a brutally honest and up-front person. I'm an open book. When I have to shit, I say, "I have to shit." When I'm horny, I say, "I need to get laid." I rarely concern myself with timing or appropriateness. Who cares that I'm in a church or chatting with a friends grandma. If I got to poop, then I got to poop. Afterall, everyone poops.

I'm also horribly inpatient. I want answers now. I want to do things now. I might be dead in 15 minutes, so there's no point in waiting. Hell, I want to poop now. I'd hate to die from a blocked up colon.

Here's the dilemma. These factors create a situation in which I am becoming more and more angry with the ex each day.

I'm not holding out hope that we'll get back together. After giving me his reason, there's no way. He picked the one non-negotiable that hurts my feelings, is unchangeable, and not my fault. There's no fixing or changing on my end. I just need to be content with who I am and move on. And I think I am ready.

His reason for the break-up, while iniatially brutal, also helped me realize my own self-worth and recognize his weaknesses, his failings, as a boyfriend. While up until the minute the words came from his mouth I saw a bright future, his feelings quickly framed everything. The epiphany that followed a couple days later, that dumping me was both a very honest and real decision on his part and extremely opposed to his own personal best interest, set me up to "be friends."

That's what he wanted. That's why he said he made all those plans with me but wasn't lying to me. But his actions belie his words. How does this happen?

How do you stay friends with an ex?

Where does the friendship pick up?

For me, to protect my own ego, the friendship would rely on his initiation. I don't see that happening. Since dumping me, he hasn't initiated any contact. He seems content with just letting things fall where they are. That's not me. I'm a planner. A problem solver. And inpatient as hell.

I'm afraid that there is no future. Not unless he really wants to be friends and reaches out. And really, what future is that? I have a lot of friends. I have a great family. What is he bringing to the table that's unique and different besides heartache and disappointment?

Thanks for indulging me.