Gay-munition

I've given a lot of thought to my moti-gay-tions recently, probably inspired by a day of post-Thanksgiving shopping. What about the fairer sex has scared me off for 28 years? Sure, this might not be the most progressive approach to my sexuality, but am I gay because of an attraction to men, or I strong aversion to women?

This might be why gay men get a reputation for sexism; I don't think I'm sexist. I certainly think that as a whole the females of our species are far superior to the males, but there are certain traits of women that help reinforce my homosexuality. These are the gay-munition that have created this monster:

• Women will pay with exact change, slowing down the line, annoying the sales rep, and taking away valuable time from my shorter-now life. Men never carry or pay with change. We are more likely to throw change on the street than to count out exact change. Who am I kidding, we use plastic almost exclusively these days.

• Side fat. Obesity disturbs me but I've never been bothered by people who are a little "fuller." However, when women (mostly young women) wear snug, low-rise jeans and the side fat is squeeze out the top, that my friend is my limit. This is one of the most revolting parts of a woman's body.

... This list will be a work in progress but will avoid the obvious, you know, like the vagina.