Bitch is the New Black!

Amen Tina Fey! I ended up voting for Hillary in the Democratic Primary. Despite how Daily Kos wants to act like Hillary can't win shit -- except, you know, California, New York and Masschusetts -- I was proud to cast my vote for the winner of the California Primary. You well know I started out a John Edwards man. Well, that's not true. I was really a Gore man, but he wouldn't run. John Edwards was my "heart choice," because he spoke to the issues that I care about and love. He spoke about the poor, and failing schools, and universal health care, and he ran standing side by side with those on the gulf coast, and in America's big cities, and along with the working poor of Apalachia. But, my heart rarely wins elections.

Hillary Clinton is the candidate of my mind. She will kick ass from day one. She was part of the most successful administration in two generations. She saw first hand the mistakes made by an over-reaching President who didn't "have Congress," and she has spent 7 years in the United States Senate learning how to work as one among 535 and how to be an effective agent of change. And in 2008, we need a woman, a bitch you might say. Because, frankly, bitches get things done!

If Tuesday doesn't go the way we need it to, I will gladly vote for and support Barack Obama. But I think he's got a tough road ahead. I don't know if polls 8 months out against John McCain guarentee easy sailing. I mean, in June Hillary was a shoo-in for the Democratic nomination and John McCain's future career was that on the book-writing, lecture-giving circuit. I will be sad because I think the best candidate left will have to return to kicking ass for people of New York.

But... if you want to get on the Hill-bandwagon, it's not too late. My friend Kevin helped me make these awesome Tina inspired shirts:



make custom gifts at Zazzle

Whose Fundamentalist is Better?

Today, on Towleroad, I got a little introduction to an interesting article about sex changes in Iran.

Apparently, in Iran under the laws of the Islamic revolution you can legally have gender reassignment surgery, and the government -- the fundamentalist Islamic government -- will pay for up to half of the costs.

They still hang gay teenagers and stone rape victims, but this little piece is interesting. It seems that for those diagnosed as transexuals, a medical diagnosis based in science, the government allows for the change.

Funny, because our type of fundamentalists don't believe in science, but yet even the horrible dictatorial regime of Iran has been more forward thinking than the Christian fundies of the United States.

Army of Lovers made me gay!

I think this video made me gay:



Eva -- my dive buddy and Eurotrash pop music dealer -- sent me this video today after I spent the weekend making a boat full of divers listen to this song, as sung by me!

I first saw this video in my freshman or sophomore year of high school. I was harboring some secret feelings that I hadn't told anyone. That's not easy for my personality type. It might be why I don't keep secrets well these days. Why not tell everyone, if I keep it in, maybe no one will ever know.

I was watching MTV at around 2:00 AM, back when they used to play music videos. When I couldn't sleep, or didn't want to sleep, I would stay up late and hope to catch something scandalous on television. This video was scandalous.

What was a young, closeted gay boy to do? Apparently, never forget the video and let it haunt my memory for about 15 years.

3 Words

Wednesday Night

Last night's dream wasn't nearly as detailed as Tuesday night's but it was still vivid. Maybe even more. Last night I dreamnt that my father died.

In the dream, I got a call from my mother but because I've had my phone silenced a lot recently, I didn't see she had called for hours. I drove to the hospital in the Valley and sat outside on the curb for a long time before going in.

That was most of the dream.

This one was bad and shook me to the core. I haven't spoken with my father -- not in the "I'm not speaking to you" sense, I just haven't spoken with him -- since the accident. My parents handled it shittily and essentially ignored it. I didn't hear from my mother for over a week. My mother rarely goes more than 4 days without calling for no reason whatsoever. That week, she went a whole week. My dad, in the background on that conversation, said he didn't call because I "don't answer my phone."

I know I just wanted my family to reach out to me when I was going through that and they didn't. That upset me and I struggled with it all week. It was made worse with the fact that my roommate's mom was in town the whole time and was very comforting and supportive.

But I was struck with the pain of unresolved feelings in this dream. The things we don't say that we might not ever have the chance to say... the finality of things, really.

Tuesday Night

I was back working at the LA Gay & Lesbian Center. Whenever I have a work dream, it's always staged there. Our Development staff was hanging out in our center room and we had a newish staff person. It was a woman I worked with at Inner City, a job I had after the Gays, but thats not important. This woman was cool, very smart, and better than most of the tools at that job, but she was a little radical and revolutionary.

Well, I made one of my typical off-color comments and she had walked in on it and was offended. When I went to defend the remark and apologize or whatever else I had in mind, I couldn't remember her name. I couldn't remember a co-workers name right in front of her. But it got worse. I couldn't remember anyone's name in the group. I forgot what some of the objects in the room were called. It crescendoed in not being able to remember my own name, resulting in a breakdown. The woman -- whose name is Allegra by the way -- and the CEO of the agency, who I always hated, tried to console me and decided to take me to the hospital. They both walked me to the elevator.

Once in side, Allegra turned into this interesting fella that I met recently and who was in the group of people I was hanging out with Tuesday night for reals. I only know a little of this guy and I can't think of any other time when someone I just met so quickly found a way into my dreams. The three of us -- this fella, the CEO, and me -- walked to his truck, a Honda Ridgeline, so he could drive me to the hospital. Once there, the mega-bitch CEO was cradling me like a child and the fella was holding my hand and wiping my face with a cloth wearing Allegra's clothing from earlier in the dream. (Not women's clothing, but pseudo-revolutionary garb. Like something Kim from work might wear.) I woke up around then.

Some of my questions:
Why do all my work dreams take place at the LA Gay & Lesbian Center? I've worked at 12 places in my entire life and over the past few years, every work dream has been there and they are coming much more frequently recently.

Why did Allegra, a woman I only worked with a few months at Inner City make an appearance at the Gay & Lesbian Center in this dream?

Did I have a stroke? Too much stress? What happened to cause me to forget all these things?

Why did the fella make an appearance and why did he assume Allegra's role in the very beginning?

Why do I remember the detail of his truck so well? Especially since the fella really drives a Saab? Where did the Honda Ridgeline come from?

Dreams

I'm not much of a dreamer, maybe because I'm livin' the dream! But there is no doubt that what happened almost 3 weeks ago has had a big impact on my life. Dealing with everything that day was more than I think my fragile mind can handle.

It first manifested in exhaustion. I actually felt "intellectually tired," it was wearing to simply think of things. For a couple of days I spent hours actually doing nothing. Staring at a wall. Lying in bed with my face in the pillow.

Then it was anger. When I went to Portland, I was in the height of this. I was angry with just about everything and everyone. I hated people that are overweight, I hated laziness, I hated noise. Thankfully, much of the anger is subsided but not entirely.

I also felt alone.

Finally, last weekend, came the rush of emotions. I spent a day off, an entire day off, in bed. I didn't shower. I only got up twice, once to pee and once to make dinner. I warmed up some Macraroni & Cheese... too hot. So I needed to cool it off. I put it in the freezer, but the plate fell and dumped out. I lost it and had a complete breakdown. The irony, the mac and cheese fell into an empty, clean bowl in the freezer so there wasn't a mess and my dinner was easily salvageable.

Now, with things wrapping up -- my last days with students that were on the boat with me are slipping by -- the remnants have found their way into my dreams.

I've had a particularly vivid and traumatic dream each night for the past two nights. I will write about them.

Great Acheivements in Douchebaggery VI

Anyone, including former Olympic Organizing Committee Chair - former Governor - former Presidential Frontrunner - former and once-again douchebag Mitt Romney, who using the phrase "unelected judges" to disparage a decision they don't agree with is a Great Douchebag.

You see, the rules of the game were set out pretty early. Oh, about 200+ years ago a bunch of old white men set those rules with the writing and adoption of the United States Constitution. No person who hopes to one day swear "to protect and defend the Constitution of the United States" should approach that job capitalizing on the lameness of 1/3 of it.

Mitt Romney dropped out of the GOP presidential race today with these words, and certainly other douchey ones:

"The development of a child is enhanced by having a mother and father. Such a family is the ideal for the future of the child and for the strength of a nation. I wonder how it is that unelected judges, like some in my state of Massachusetts, are so unaware of this reality, so oblivious to the millennia of recorded history. It is time for the people of America to fortify marriage through constitutional amendment, so that liberal judges cannot continue to attack it!"

Mitt, and other douchebags, judges needn't be elected because Governors and Presidents that appoint them are. The accountability lies at the hands of the people who appointed them. If the voters are dissatisfied enough, then they can turn out those men and women who make the appointments as well as their parties. (5 of the current 7 justices were appointed by Republicans. Maybe that's why Romney's successor was a Democrat who won with a huge majority.) And the upside, the judges themselves needn't be concerned with popular will but what the constitution -- of the country or the state -- demands.

I am sick and tired of douchebags that don't respect the Constitution but claim to be more patriotic, even American, than people like me. Andrew Sullivan, the pseudo-conservative, put it great when evaluating the Bush administration's mishandling of... well... everything:

(paraphrasing) The President does not swear an oath that no Americans will die in an act of terror under his watch, he takes an oath to protect and defend the Constitution and that should always be his first priority. That is how we win this "war".

Previous douchebags:

Katie Couric
Rudy Guiliani
Mitt Romney
Tim Hardaway
Terrence Howard