Long May it Wave

I understand the world. For years, we Americans have heard how we are hated. The “terrorists” hate our way of life – our freedom and “democracy” – and so they target our planes and skyscrapers. The Republican Party has built an entire platform on this Ameri-phobia.

I figured out, on my recent trip to the Caribbean, that it isn’t our freedom they hate, it’s the little things. The pushiness. The cheapness. The vulgarity.

Our family spent 2 weeks in Aruba. It’s was a very relaxing vacation and I love the Arubans. That being said, most places in the Caribbean aren’t that exotic. There are parts of Los Angeles that are more exotic than Aruba. I’m less likely to find an employee at the McDonald’s near work who speaks English than I will find a busboy in Orjanestad that speaks Enlgish – and Dutch, Spanish and the native Papiamento.

Vacationing in Aruba is a little like hitting a classy version of the Jersey shore. More guidos than you can shake a stick at. It’s still a lot of fun, but even the Aruban government admits that nearly 70% of the tourists in Aruba are Americans. It’s an island of just under 100,000 residents that gets nearly 1,000,000 tourists every year. Divide those tourist by 12 and multiply by 70% and you’ll find that about 1/3 of the people on the island at any given time are Americans.

The locals know this and they cater to it. I told you they all – even the least educated (which is by Dutch standards so that’s puts their least educated on par with our, well, President) – speak four languages so as to cater to us. They can convert their native “florin” into American dollars and back all in their head. The hotels – many owned or operated by American companies – fly the American flag outside. So, why did some redneck feel it necessary to bring their own American flag with them and post it on their hotel-room balcony?

I shit you not. I won’t even mention that the flag was hung in violation of accepted standards, having been secured by all four corners. But this ass – clearly a red-stater – brought his flag – surely one of many – into a foreign land to fly it, as if he had laid claim to that hotel room for the great imperialist power that is the United States. God Save the Queen!

I love this country as much as anyone, but we need to get a grip. Americans need to learn that there are 300 million of us and 5.7 billion of them. We’ve already pissed off most of the Middle East, Russia and much of Europe. Surely we have few friends in Africa. If we can’t even play nice with the Dutch West Indies, we’re gonna be in trouble when they all come looking for us!