Drinking Patterns of Animals

You are at a bar. You are thirsty. You want a nice buzz, and wouldn't mind preventing urinary tract infections as well. What do you order?

Something tangy. Red. Made with vodka for a smoother hangover. Maybe a lime wedge. You can picture the drink. What do you order?

Do you order a "cranberry (juice) and vodka" or a "Cape Cod"?

This one, simple question is as accurate a way to determine one's sexuality as attaching electrodes to your genitals and watching a variety of porn.

Last night was my birthday. I like big birthdays, but being the control freak that I am, I also insist on coordinating it myself. I just don't trust my flakey friends. It was a "mixed" crowd, except the gay contingent was actually quite small in comparison. The vast majority of the party goers were straight. So to mix it up we end the evening with cocktails at a gay bar.

Boy are drinking patterns among gays and straights different!

1) Gays call their drinks cocktails. None of my straight friends did. They call them drinks. Bah!
2) Gays drink light beers out of bottles. Straights drink bold beers out of glasses.
3) Straights drink Jagermeister. I didn't even know this bar served Jager until last night.
4) Gays use the fruit that comes in their cocktails. Straights ignore the fruit in their drinks.
5) Gays mix with clear mixers (tonic, soda) or light mixers (cranberry juice). Straights like dark mixers like Coke.

Oh, and I definately would order a Cape Cod. Except I gave them up a few years back when I switched to a crisp vodka tonic.