Be the quiet one in a group.
Be happy to see anyone at 5:00 AM.
Be happy to see you at any time!
And you can not be... wait for it... a socially liberal, fiscal conservative.
"Sure, I can," you say.
"My ass, you can," I say.
"What a nice ass it is," you say.
"My ass may be cherry, but your ass is a Bush-Cheney Republican. Deal with it," I say.
See, being liberal isn't just about letting you get high, fuck as many girls as you want, impregnate them and letting them get all the abortions they want, then deciding to fuck asses so that you can live abortion-guilt free. That's what being a Budhist is about. Being liberal is about recognizing that there are good things about society and bad things, and that working together, we can fix those bad things. Being liberal is about recognizing that working together towards the collective good can accomplish positive change; that one needn't pull oneself up by their bootstraps because it's pretty likely one doesn't even have boots.
Today, another annoying co-worker I have yet to introduce you to, went on a rant about being socially liberal and fiscally conservative. The problem is that being socially liberal costs money and fiscal conservatives won't come up with it. Public schools cost money. Universal health coverage costs money. Job training, child care, and sex ed programs cost money. Shelters and transitional living centers and affordable housing cost money. You can't say you support something if you won't pay for it.
Dear MBNA,See, stupid, right?
I respectfully write to you today to endorse your efforts at collecting my unpaid credit card balance. I truly believe you are engaged in noble work. Credit Card companies are doing a lot of good. I will stand along side with you any day. As for that check you keep talking about, stop being a communist! You'll never get a penny from me, unless you pry it from cold dead hands.
xoxo, Bri
To my friends who plead the SLFC party-line, I offer you this.
1) You are really just a slut who want to protect your size 4 body from an unwanted pregnancy as much as you want to protect your filthy-rich grandmother's country home from the estate tax.
2) You are wracked with guilt because while you support violent, bloody military intervention in foreign lands, you still love a fabulous night of Sour Apple Martinis and fags fawning over your new Dolce & Gabana t-shirt and jeans.
3) You are a closeted bleeding heart who married rich and needs to continue putting it on thick until your racist father-in-law finally dies.
4) You are so busy shooting up heroin, fucking gay prostitutes, downloading kiddie porn, drinking moonshine, hiring illegal Mexicans to clean your house and mow your lawn, selling pot to Junior High kids, and preforming abortions on your Taiwenese sex slaves that the only chance of people not catching on to your ways is to run for re-election as the Republican Senator from Rhode Island.
There is more to being liberal than gay rights, abortion, gun control and clean air. These are all important liberal issues, but they aren't the end all, be all. If you think a tax cut for the richest 1% is more important than quality public education, universal health care, human rights, or, I'll just say it, your brother's right to wedding registry, than you are a facist Republican! The only kind!
1 comment:
And while we're at it, John McCain cannot kiss up to the religious right and then pretend to be a straight-talking, free-flying maverick.
The religious right doesn't have one night stands with candidates. They demand a long term commitment. They demand progeny, in the form of legislation. They demand that elders - like Dobson, Robertson, and Falwell - be respected.
McCain will wink at economic conservatives and pretend he's only leading on the fundies. But make no mistake: as soon as he's elected he'll find himself the groom in a shotgun wedding.
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