A Scandal I Can Be Part Of...

I've found it. My connection to scandal. I've always wanted to be part of a scandal. I was a little heartbroken that I was left out of the Catholic Church Sex-Abuse Scandal. 27 years in the church and I've only had one priest come on to me... 3 weeks ago. I was barely french kissing when Monica Lewinsky was giving the "head" of state. And I've never paid to play, with a congressman or at Slammer.

But talking to Damian today, I realized I have a connection with the NSA listening scandal. Okay, I'm a pretty crappy listener, unless we're talking about me. And by "we're talking about me," I mean unless I'm talking about me. And really, even I don't want to listen to that. I just want to do that.

See, when I was a kid, my dad worked at the National Security Agency. I bet since leaving the Agency, they've had a close eye on the Davis family. You know how it is, just when you try to leave, they suck you back in.

No, not you Miss Lewinsky. Go back to your purses.

We lived a few miles from the NSA headquarters on Fort Meade in Maryland. Probably half of my friends had parents that worked at NSA. My friend Eric's mother was a translator. She fluently spoke 8 languages. My friend Jonathan's dad was an analyst. Am I releasing valuable government secrets? Does this qualify me for a job in Dick Cheney's office?

Well, my dad had a very important job at NSA, and it was one of the few public jobs. He ran the cafeteria. Basically, he was the "Chef" of NSA. Except less black. And less crazy Scientologisty. And if you saw the last episode of South Park with Chef, less child molestery.

Okay, my dad didn't work for NSA. He worked for a contract food service company. And he was at NSA for like a year. And he spent most of that year scooping out creamed corn to bitter goverment workers waiting for their pensions to mature.

But still, basically, I spied on you last night. And you should be ashamed you dirty little whore.