Patentable Idea?

An online resource that documents illness trends going through your community so when you want to call out sick, you can pick something that other people around you might have, thus improving the believability of your lies.

Not that I would ever use such a thing. Just an idea.

UPDATED (Monday, 2:00 PM): I've found a few resources, but none as wonderful as my idea.

Sick Day Excuse Generator: This is particularly helpful for the less-creative types that need help in picking their illness. It also has standard reliable tips for calling out sick, like my favorite (and what I believe to be one of the most important rules).

Your sickness will appear more authentic if it is done midweek and for more than one day at a time.

The Sickday Excuse Generator suggested I call out with "irritable bowel syndrome" which just so happens to be the single largest contributor to absenteeism, or so I'm told by former sales executives with a drug that supposedly addresses IBS.

2006 Sick Day Calendar: I don't see one for 2007, but they did a good job pointing out the important annual milestones to consider when planning your sick days.

How to Call In Sick...: This guide is helpful but I think my staples are just as important and effective.

My simple rules that I've culled these past 14 years of employment:

1. Always call in early. This provides you with two benefits: 1) You'll most likely get the voicemail and 2) the benefits of raspy - I - just - woke - up - or - maybe - I - was- sick - all - night voice.

2. Plan for more than one sick day. When was the last time you were really sick and felt better in 24 hours. Inevitably, when you are really sick, it takes a few days to recover. Why not use that information to extend your little break from work.

3. Set it up. Walk around in a haze 24 to 48 hours in advance. When someone asks, "How are you?" the day before your planned sick day, don't answer, "Awesome. Thanks for asking." (Although, "Thanks for asking" is always preferable to "...and you?" It protects you from having to listen to people for whom you don't care. I was taught this trick at my first job when I was 15 years old and use it regularly to this day. In fact, I've used it twice today.)