A Disclaimer of Sorts

"References to evolution delays Ventura vote on science textbook."

It would seem that a single member of the five-member Board of Education is concerned that a science text book needing approval states "evolution as a fact" and does not offer alternative explanations -- like Creationism. Of course, he's a conservative, Republican evangelical Christian. Of course he would oppose big government when they are keeping your air and water clean, your streets safe, and your jobs fair, but he has little concern for the encroaching power of government in the bedroom or the church.

Ron Matthews (the Board member in question) is an intellectual giant. When considering approval of charter school within the district, Mr. Matthews seemed to have laser-like focus on how tax dollars should be spent: "I only have 2 questions, can they pray and can they carry bibles?"

I believe that Mr. Matthews is only looking out for the children. Therefore, I believe the science textbook should be approved, but with the following disclaimer.

Dearest Student who was created/evolved in the loving/unloving image of a powerful/powerless God/Goddess/gods/spirit/power of science:

This textbook includes controversial and unproven information, such as the molecular structure of water, the force of gravity, and, of course, evolutionary theory. The all-wise, all-powerful thinkers at the Board of Education want to protect you from the violent tyranny of scientific education and intellectual vigor. Please proceed from this point with caution, trusting nothing written on bound pages unless they were written by God Almighty thousands of years ago... with no witnesses.

Please do not trust your parents -- whether they are a normal, Godly heterosexual couple who has honored their earthly covenant of marriage, or if they have succumbed to the evils of Satan and have accepted the destructive, worldly invention of divorce, or if they are hedonistic homosexuals who love only themsevles and cock -- as they clearly lack the intellectual capacity to rear you and guide you into adulthood. While traditionally the role of the classroom was for the distribution of knowledge and the challenge to think, tools which would be used to sculpt your life experience and create your intelligent self, this must be usurped as the classroom is one of the last places for the government to save your soul from your parents, the wages of sin, and the suffering of Hell. Do not believe what you will read in this book as science. Take copious notes and then consult your local evagelical minister -- with his Associates Degree in Pop Christianity from the Pat Robertson Junior Bible College -- so that he can explain what science really is: a guise used to distract you while the Jews steal your money and the homosexuals plunder your butt!

Go with God, His Loving Servant,

Ron Matthews
Ventura County Board of Education