Good-Bye Ron: An Argument for Same-Sex Marriage

There are few issues that I am more passionate about than marriage equlaity. I support full marriage rights for same-sex couples. I oppose any half-assed compromises that cheapen human relationships and the concept of full equality under the law. Only uncompromising civil marriage rights will protect all American families. I've written about this in the past. Today, I have first-hand evidence.

From March 2004 to November 2005 I lived in a 3rd floor apartment of a 100 year-old Victorian house in Los Angeles. The "apartment" was actually the old servants quarters that had been converted several times over the years. The owners of the house were a quirky gay couple, Bruce and Ron.

Bruce and Ron had been together for probably more than 30 years. I don't know for sure. Bruce was an artist and all-around handyman. He could do amazing work around the house. Ron was a retired postal worker with a long career in government service. They had owned the historic home since the 1970s. When they bought it, it was in disrepair having once been used as a boarding house. They spent much of the 70s and 80s restoring the house to its original condition only to be devastated by the Northridge earthquake in 1994. The house slipped off the foundation and much of the insides were destroyed.

Ron and Bruce were a couple of moderate means. Being that Bruce didn't work a "day job" and was so handy around the house, he would fix the house himself. This is no small feat and to this day he's not close to being done. Ron played the role of supportive, patient husband.

Ron is one of the most gentle souls I've ever met. Truly a sweetheart and everything I'm not. Unfortunately, some time back he was diagnosed with a likely-fatal condition that I believe is similar to leukemia. When I was still at the house he was in and out of the hospital at City of Hope. Thank god for that government pension and health care.

I heard this week that Ronnie has passed away. Clearly he was suffering and I have faith and hope that he's finally at peace. I am heartbroken by Bruce's loss.

The pain that Bruce is going through will likely be made worse by the reality that his life of more than 3 decades ceased to exist when Ronnie passed. As a committed same-sex couple, in the eyes of the government, Bruce is no one. After sharing his life with Ron, after nursing him through illness for almost 2 years, after sharing every pain and joy with Ron, Bruce has no legal connection to Ron. And so, unlike the countless spouses of government employees before him who stood to collect that pension -- or a portion thereof -- Bruce has nothing. Ron worked as hard as any of his peers but will receive less compensation because he was gay.

I imagine that in the coming months Bruce will face a tough reality. How will he support himself as he approaches retirement age? Where will the twilight of his own life take him? Will he have to sell his beautiful home that he built with his partner, lover, and husband?

Thirty years and nothing to show for it.

When I lived in the house, Bruce decided to remodel our apartment. It took him forever, but the work he was doing was amazing. When he gutted the kitchen, he stripped off some panelling put up in the early 80s. Bruce had done that work himself as well. At some point during the work he had taken a pencil and scribbled on the wall. "Bruce. Lover of Ron." This was uncovered more than 20 years later but was as true as the day it was written.