Dan Savage: Will you marry me?

From Savage Love, 3/1/07:

I read your column faithfully every week in the Orlando Weekly. But I need to ask two things. What does the abbreviation GGG stand for? And what was the website that you mentioned a while ago for men to meet transsexuals?

A Faithful Reader

GGG stands for "good, giving, and game," which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners. Think "good in bed," "giving equal time and equal pleasure," and "game for anything—within reason." And that tranny website I mentioned was, I believe, www.freerepublic.com.(emphasis added)

Two Americas: Gay vs. Straight?

Democratic Presidential candidate John Edwards announced his support for a repeal of the Pentagon's "Don't Ask/Don't Tell" policy. He may have done it out of political expediency, sensing it would endear him to the Democratic left. He may have done it out necessity, trying to keep his campaign in the news. He may have done it out of concern for national security -- the best reason. For whatever reason, I'm glad he did it because, as of today, he's my horse in the Democratic Primary.

Naturally, the bitter gays have set their sights on him:

So, he thinks gays and lesbians have the right to serve and die in a useless war, but he's not sure they have the right to make sure their spouses get survivor's benefits...cuz they're not really good enough to be "spouses". How nice for him.
-- FANGIRLHATER, from Towleroad.com

The point is that we get all attiter (is that a word) about someone throwing us a crumb on the military but still going to deny us marriage rights yet years ago....years ago a man was running for the dem nom who wanted full rights for us across the board. His support from the homosexual community was very very small.
-- JIMMYBOYO, from Towleroad.com

Is John Edwards perfect? No. But not one of the major declared candidates for president publically support full marriage equality. Furthermore, which ones -- Clinton, Obama, Biden, and the like -- spoke out today infavor of Congressman Meehan's repeal legislation? Gay issues -- marriage equality, hate crimes legislation, ENDA, Don't Ask/Don't Tell, HIV/AIDS -- are very important to me. And based on estimates ranging from conservative to most liberal, there are anywhere from 6 million to 25 million gay Americans that care passionately about these issues. But there are 36 million Americans living in poverty and millions more on the edge. There are nearly 47 million Americans without health insurance. And of course, there have been 3,161 Americans killed in Iraq and more than 23,000 injured in this war.

All of these people have an interest in a change in leadership and all of these issues are just part of what we should be concerned about. Unless we are interested in sitting out for the next 20 years, maybe "the Gays" shouldn't be so fickle?

Happy Endings

Maybe the unconventional is the best way after all?

I've seen interesting pairings, or unusual starts to begin with. Maybe this is documented proof that there is no "right way" to find love.

10 Things I'm Thinking on Monday

1. Lent sucks. All that introspection can really bring a man down. Like getting ready to die... on a cross... for the crap that someone else did... Lent sucks.

2. I'm actually trying to focus my mind during the season and I'm seeing rewards. There are people -- a specific person -- I haven't been talking to much for more than a month now and it haunts me every day. I love him, admire him, and hope to be like him one day and it's tearing me up to be so weak and think I could write him off. I had the smallest little text exchange this morning and things seem to be getting back to normal. Slowly. That's good.

3. My roommate Ben moved out last night. We decided to keep it just the three of us since we've had a hard time with keeping roommates. We don't think Ben is leaving because he doesn't like us. He's in love with an amazing lady. He moved to Chicago. Hopefully he's chasing her and not running from us. If he's running from us, he better know he can't get away. I saw his room this morning -- he left in the middle of the night for his 2,000 mile drive -- and was a little choked up seeing it empty.

4. I want Al Gore to run for President. I will quit my job and work on his campaign.

5. Ted, if you are reading this, my Blog is not a party game. It's a documentation of my most serious, personal thoughts. (I'm kidding of course. Take a shot every time I use sarcasm to transition the dialog to gummi bears.)

6. Gummi Bears make the world go round.

7. I want to go to Boston again.

8. Everything I thought I wanted 2 weeks ago was tossed up in the air recently. Yesterday, I did some easy diving with students -- advanced, less concered for their life -- and got into my head. I'm figuring things out. Nothing is easy.

9. A 72 year-old gay man was beaten to death in Detroit last week. He didn't do anything to deserve this. He existed. That's it. We live in a nation that will talk for hours on end today and tomorrow how an injustice has finally been rectified: Martin Scorsese finally won an Oscar. But I bet no one will find time in the national news cycle to talk about the injustice done to Andrew Anthos of Detroit.

10. Damn, it's only Monday. At 10:30.

Juveniles.

I work for a non-profit organization. I'm the Development Director and grantwriter. I write grants. Grant proposals have budgets in them. Follow me here, it's slowly making sense.

Budgets have salaries in them. People read budgets with salary information. One of our programs has accomplished nothing in over a year, despite having funding. None of the staff working on that program is familiar with the proposals. Finally, I get fed up having to bullshit my way through reports because management doesn't communicate. This program manager has a high school education and has been at our agency for over 15 years. I call a meeting at which I confront the program staff about our grant obligations. Meeting goes well. Staff is excited to be informed and to participate in the process. Even my Junior Nemesis starts talking to me because she's so impressed and grateful.

And I have to endur a 15 minute conversation where program manager is upset because the budget was included in the materials. Heaven forbid people see salary data...

Except we are a public funded agency. Our salary data is, as is required by law, public information. A 5 minute search on the Internet returns most of the budget information for the agency. A few hours at city hall would result in FULL disclosure of this information.

Instead of having real, honest discussions with non-profit employees about why they make what they do, they want to lie and hide it.

Great Achievements in Douchebaggery III

I know y'all heard it. Former NBA "star" Tim Hardaway hates me. That's right, me and all the other gay people. (I put star in quotes because I barely follow sports enough to know who the stars are, and I swear I've only heard of Penny Hardaway. I guess Tim has gotten the press he craves.)

"Well, you know, I hate gay people," Hardaway said near the close of an interview that mostly focused on his tenure with the Heat and the team's current state. "I let it be known, I don't like gay people. I don't like to be around gay people.

"Yeah, I'm homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world for that or in the United States for that. So, yeah, I don't like it." -- From the South-Florida Sun-Sentinnel

It was keeping me up at night. It's so rare to stumble across an ignorant bigot, a shock to find out that people hate. How could I handle such devastating news? Fear not, I think he's sorry. This week, after the NBA told him there would be no more checks coming his way from them, he may have had a change of heart, telling Scoop Jackson of ESPN: "...it was just the wrong choice of words. It came out of my mouth real crude and real bad and real ugly. And people think that that's the way I feel. That I hate [gay people], and I don't."

Read on my investigative proteges. There's plenty more contrition in this douchebag's heart. Hardaway continues, "I don't condone what they do, but I don't hate them."

Whaaaaaa?

Condone? When did we ever ask for you to "condone" anything? You know what I don't condone? Ignorant sycophants leaching off the media and allowing them to spew there nonsensical bile across countless valuable inches of newspaper space. I also don't condone grown men, college-educated men, whose mastery of grammar and language competes with a 12 year-old street thug:

When we was growing up Scoop, if we saw gay people or whatever, we ran across the street. We got away from them. Our parents, our friends, our families knew that that wasn't right. We didn't want to be around that and they definitely didn't want us kids around it. And it's not that they hated gay people, they just felt they it wasn't right. Let them do what they want to do. And that was my experience when I was growing up. Not acknowledging them. Now did something happen to me? No. But I did have a friend that something happened to him in a Catholic school, but that is another can of worms that it's not my place to open because it's not my life. But to answer your question, 'No.' Nothing happened to me. I just don't condone [being gay]. When I see gay people holding hands or kissing in the streets, I just don't think that's right.

I like it when the bigots of the world are revealed to have the intellectual capacity of a potato (or "potatoe" if you so prefer).

Mr. Hardaway, please keep your half-apologies to yourself. I don't care about your poor"word choice," I care that you think that you sit in some position to judge. You bring nothing to the table but vitriolic rhetoric that destroys people and community. You are nothing more than a douchebag. Now shut up and go home.

Second Runner Up in "Great Achievements in Douchebaggery": The Media.

Why must you give these people a platform from which to speak? Yes, he has a right to his assinine opinion. And when he buys a newspaper, sets up a blog (ahem), or spends his money traveling to every backwater church in America to spew hate, than he can wax poetic on the virtues of hatred all he wants. There is a Constitutional right to free speech that is gospel truth for me, but there is also a God-given olbigation to common sense and compassion. And no media outlet needs to embrace these douchebags so they can taint our young people with their vile hatred.

BONUS: Ever notice all the good "ugly" words start with the letter "V"? Awesome.

Previous "Great Achievements in Douchebaggery": Rudy Guiliani, Mitt Romney

All About Me

I've decided to change my MySpace profile again, but I like my current one, so I'm moving it here for posterity. Enjoy.

1. I am 28 years old.
2. I still don’t know what that should mean.
3. I am college educated but think I made a mistake in picking my field.
4. And my college.
5. I like my job in theory.
6. I hate it in practice.
7. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
8. If possible, I wouldn't mind being Jake Shears of the Scissor Sisters.
9. Or, at the very least, Mrs. Jake Shears.
10. I am gay and it’s important to me.
11. I think that people that say “being gay is just a small part of who I am” are full of shit.
12. I am a Democrat.
13. I usually don’t trust Republicans.
14. I don’t really trust Democrats, either.
15. I never trust people who drink decaffenated coffee.
16. I would vote for a person drinking decaf over a Republican any day.
17. I would probably vote for a cup of decaf over a Republican any day.
18. I think the United States of America is the greatest country on the planet.
19. That doesn't mean it couldn't be better.
20. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be better.
21. I believe that if we are going to go to war, it should be felt by more than the unfortunate families who have sacrificed their soldiers.
22. Voting is a good start.
23. Voting Democratic is a better start.
24. Voting is only a start.
25. I love my family. They are the greatest influence on every decision I make. I can barely pick what cereal to have in the morning without first wondering if my father would approve.
26. I believe in God.
27. I don’t know if I have a “personal relationship” with him or if he even likes me very much.
28. I think that the Church can be a very positive force for good in the world.
29. I also believe that fire is a positive force for good, providing humans with heat and light, a way to stay warm in the winter, and cook food.
30. I know that fire can be destructive and has ended many lives and hurt millions of people.
31. Ditto on the Church.
32. I think I'm a Christian Universalist. If you know what I mean by that, email me, we'll get a long great. If you also identify that way, even better. Give me a call.
33. I love children but don’t know if I want my own.
34. I used to think that gays and lesbians should only adopt, that it was better for the world.
35. Then I met my first nephew. Six nieces and nephews later and I can understand that biological urge to have your own children.
36. Six nieces and nephews later and I’m pretty sure I don’t want children.
37. I’m pretty selfish.
38. I’m selfish because I’m the youngest child in my family and have been single for almost my entire adulthood.
39. I’ve never touched a woman’s bare breast.
40. I saw a vagina for the first time in the kitchen at a Christmas Party.
41. I believe vaginas are gross but necessary.
42. I don’t support civil unions, even though I used to cheer every time some milquetoast Democrat said they supported them.
43. I recognize, along with the Supreme Court, that separate is never equal.
44. I couldn’t care less about clothes, most popular music or lines from movies.
45. All most people want to talk about it seems are clothes, popular music or lines from movies.
46. I don't like old people. They say weird things, smell funny, and freak me out.
47. I'm terrified that my parents are becoming old people.
48. I still love them more than anything in the world.
49. Maybe there is hope for them.
50. But not for guys who feature shirtless pics on MySpace. (ahem, Ben)

The Paradoxical Commandments

by Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest people with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest people with the smallest ideas. Think big anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
People really need help, but may attack you if you do help them. Help them anyway.
People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
Give the world the best that you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

This weekend, I made a visit -- an amazing, attitude-changing visit -- to the Boston area. While there, I knew I wanted to visit the Paulist Center. The Paulist Center is a welcoming, affirming Roman Catholic congregation run by the Paulist fathers. The Paulists are well known for their progressive, love-and-peace centered communities on college campuses. Locally, they also run St. Paul's Parish in Westwood.

I first learned of the Paulist Center during the 2004 Presidential campaign. John Kerry was attacked for being Catholic/not being Catholic enough, and his home parish was mentioned. Like me, Senator Kerry has found that your average Catholic parish -- which covers a defined geographical area -- is grossly inadequate. Luckily for him, the Paulist Center is in his 'hood on Beacon Hill. Unlucky for me, I have to drive into Santa Monica for my church.

The Paulist Center has a beautiful crucifix over its altar. That's what stood out to me. I printed out a picture of it and have kept it at my desk at two jobs. I wanted to see this crucifix. In making my plans, I committed myself (and my host) to taking me. (He liked it.)

The Mass was beautiful and meaningful. This weekend was heavy for me, and having some time for prayer was good. I like the Catholic liturgy because it has remained so constant in my life. I disagree with the Church on so much; I have grand intellectual battles in my mind and heart with the Church as my foe. But it's always there. And fortunately, places like the Paulist Center are there.

This week, I really paid attention to the readings because my heart and mind were well aligned. This was a good week. The first reading came from the book of Samuel and was the story of David and Saul. Saul was King of the tribes of Israel. He was a crumby kind. David's destiny was to be King, he would be a great King. He had a chance to destroy Saul and his army while they slept, but he knew that was not righteous. He made a tough choice, to be merciful to Saul, and to act with justice.

The second reading was from Paul's letter to the Corinthians. Paul sucks. Oh well. But the Gospel... it's a famous one. This Gospel reading is where we get the Golden Rule.

To you who hear I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. To the person who strikes you on one cheek, offer the other one as well, and from the person who takes your cloak, do not withhold even your tunic. Give to everyone who asks of you, and from the one who takes what is yours do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. For if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do the same. If you lend money to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, and get back the same amount. But rather, love your enemies and do good to them, and lend expecting nothing back; then your reward will be great and you will be children of the Most High, for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Stop judging and you will not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Give, and gifts will be given to you; a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing, will be poured into your lap. For the measure with which you measure will in return be measured out to you.

The priest's homily included his sharing of the Paradoxical Commandements, which I started off with. It seems cut and dry.

But, who are my enemies? Yes, I could be a better person. I could be nicer to my nemesis, Little Miss Nemesis, my brother, Scabies. These are all highlights of my recent moments of weakness, cowardice, and childishness. While I know I should act differently to them, based on my mindset on Sunday, and since thinking of this liturgy, I don't think this is who God is warning me of. Where is the danger in my actions? Who is this great enemy?

It's me.

Stop judging and you will not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.

I need to love myself. I need to embrace my decisions. I need to take that ownership.

For if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do the same. If you lend money to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, and get back the same amount.

And here is why I would be a bad priest: I'll find something completely different. During the homily, Father spoke about how difficult it is to do these things. Perhaps our great human challenge. (Think of how much power spite and vengeance weild? If we lived the Golden Rule, terrorist would achieve nothing. Bullies would acheive nothing. The Republican Party would acheive nothing.)

I do the easy thing. My life is full of the easy decisions. Maybe it's time to make the hard decision. To take a risk and be a pioneer. I think I see some opportunities on the horizon. Will I let risk get the better of me? Will I cower to my own self? I should be strong. Be bold. Not easy. (Well, easy can get you places, but that's for another blog!)

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is all the way to the bone!

I have something to talk about, but I think I'm feeling to gay to do it. So instead, here's a little Bea Arthur and Madame. It doesn't get any gayer than this!

Thank you, Amy!

Finally, someone is asking the tough questions:

"Why isn't gloria allred involved in the Anna Nicole Smith drama? I'm sure there is a place for her."

-- Miss Amy, Feb 15, 2007

Today's "What the F#%$?" Moment Brought to You By:

the Transportation Security Administration!

This week I'm going on a little trip. I wanted to check out any changes to the travel rules and used my airlines recommendation to check out the TSA... on Valentine's Day.

I really would feel better if the logo of the agency trusted with my security was a little less "fluffy."

Previously in "Today's "What the F#%$?" Moment Brought to You By:": The Spork!

No Jokes Here

Today, Al Franken announced his bid to unseat Republican Senator Norm Coleman. You might know of Senator Coleman. He's been a pretty unremarkable senator, but his election is definately noteworthy. He was the former Democratic mayor of St. Paul, who switched parties midterm. In 2002 and at the urging of Karl Rove, he decided to challenge popular progressive Senator Paul Wellstone, whose campaign Coleman co-chair in 1996. Senator Wellstone was taken from us just 2 weeks before election day in a plane crash and Coleman went on to defeat stand-in Walter Mondale.

Al Franken, a native Minnesotan, has joked in the past that in this election only one of the New York Jews running will have been raised in Minnesota. Franken moved to the state when he was 4. I think besides that one bad joke, there won't be many more. I think Franken is very serious, will make a very good senator, and that he will talk about issues that matter to Middle America.



This is a winning message (and it doesn't hurt that he gets in a "Big Dog" quote as well):

President Clinton used to say that there’s nothing wrong with America that can’t be fixed by what’s right with America, or, as I would add, by what’s right with Minnesota. We can lead the fight against global warming and dependence on foreign oil by developing new sources of renewable energy—and create good Minnesota jobs in the process. We can lead the nation in finding life-saving cures by harnessing the potential of stem-cell research. We can lead the nation by sending someone to the Senate who’ll be a voice for a strong and responsible America, one that uses its relationship with our allies to create a better and more secure world for ourselves and for future generations.

Al Franken is a serious student of policy. He's not "just a comedian," he's a man who knows the issues, has good ideas, and will make a good Senator. We'll see how the primary campaign flushes out, but I wish him the best.

Where you at?

I think this is a cool little toy. Tell me where you are at? We get enough of you around here, I use stat counter, so come on... Show your face. Tell me where you at.

Great Achievements in Douchebaggery II

Today's GAID is brought to you by the right honorable Willard Mitt Romney, former Governor of Taxachusetts, defender of the Tabernacle, General in Joseph Smith's Army, Maker of Money, and Savior of the Olympics. Since he officially announced his candidacy for President -- in Michigan, hmmm, why not Massachusetts where he lives and, oh, served as Governor? -- I thought I would share with you what I consider one of his greatest achievements.

Here's a primer. Mitt is a douchebag. To save time, I'll only focus on his position on abortion because it best demonstrates that he is a) spineless, b) a panderer, c) without conviction, and d) a demagogue.

Mitt was that rare Mormon "conservative" who was pro-choice. Apparently, he formed his position in 1970, when his own mother -- wife of the Governor of Michigan (Mitt's daddy) -- ran for the United States Senate. We learned this at a debate in 1994 when he challenged Democratic Senator Ted Kennedy. (Do people really think they'll ever beat him?)

One of the great things about our nation, Sally, is that we are each entitled to have strong personal beliefs and we encourage other people to do the same. But as a nation, we recognize the right of all people to believe what they want and not to impose our beliefs on other people. I believe abortion should be safe and legal in this country...

Then Senator Kennedy responds, bragging about his support "of the Roe v. Wade." I don't think I've ever heard the Supreme Court decision of Roe v. Wade, which guarenteed a constitutional right to privacy and access to abortion, as "the Roe v. Wade." Like "the gays," "the AIDS," or "the drugs." It makes me smile. He goes on to use a great line, "I am pro-choice, my opponent (Mitt Romney) is multiple choice."

Romney feels compelled to defend his position and comes back with a very personal, compelling story:

On the idea of multiple choice, I have to respond. I have my own beliefs, and those are very dear to me. One of them is that I do not impose my beliefs on other people. Many, many years ago, I had a dear close family relative that was very close to me who passed away due to an illegal abortion. It is since that time that my mother and my family have been committed to the belief that we can believe as we want, but we will not force our beliefs on others on that matter. And you will not see me wavering on that.

Mitt Romney confirmed that he would support a woman's right to choose when he successfully ran for governor in 2002. Through most of his tenure, he did so. Until he decided that he wanted the Republican nomination for president.



Today, Mitt Romney is 100% "Pro-Life" (sic). He is running for the Republican nomination as an opponent of abortion and "the Roe v. Wade." He has said that he does not support a Federally guarenteed right to privacy and the decision of a woman and her doctor. In stepping up for a national campaign, he let his pandering to "life issues" interfere with justice, vetoing a Massachusetts law that would provide emergency contraception for the victims of rape.

While I find a poll-tested flip-flop one of the most disgusting moves in modern American politics, I think you will find Mitt's one of the most egregious ever.

This is why:

• In 1994, and again 2002, he said that despite his personal feelings on abortion and his Mormon faith, he would support a woman's right to choose and the Roe v. Wade decision.
• Despite running as a "conservative" Republican in heavily Democratic and very progressive Massachusetts, he took this "brave" position in defiance of his party because of a personally held belief system.
• This belief system was informed by the tragic death of a close family member.
• But after 4 years as governor, and with presidential ambitions, his position has shifted.

Maybe he was full of shit in 1994 and he was pandering to moderates and liberals to defeat a liberal Democrat. Maybe he brought out the sob story of a lost loved one to help deflect the obvious questions pro-choice voters would have when voting for a conservative Republican Mormon. Maybe he was willing to do whatever it took, including using his dead relative, to try to paint himself as Pro-Choice.

Or, maybe he's full of shit today. Maybe he still mourns for his lost relative and fears that others will have to endur the pain of a back-alley abortion gone bad, but he's willing to look the other way to win higher office. Maybe he really is Pro-Choice but is willing to bend over (but not in a gay, sodomy-like way) for the Religious Right. Maybe he has no values -- either liberal or conservative.

One thing is clear, Mitt Romney is a douchebag!

Previous "Great Achievements in Douchebaggery: Rudy Guiliani

Together in the Missionary Positon

Last night I went to church. It wasn't easy to find, I had to Google it. I'm sure they moved the church. It's been that long. (Not really, I was there a month ago, but from the way some friends reacted you would think I was Martin Guerre.)

This week, naturally, they were asking for money. It was the week, before Lent, that marks the annual "Together In Mission" campaign. TIM raises money for poor parishes and school keeping them open. A lot of people think that if a church can't pay its bills, than the Bishop comes in and saves the day. Nope. Even in the Catholic church, each parish is supposed to be self-sustaining. Many rely on their annual TIM subsidy to make it happen.

This year the goal for the Archdiocese is a little over $14 million to help support these poor parishes.

I could help but think of the sexual abuse scandal, and the hundreds of millions of dollars that the Archdiocese of Los Angeles will end up paying to victims of its crimes... if not billions! I couldn't help but think if the church had cared more about protecting innocence and serving God, and not serving itself, by removing these priests and handing them over to the police, how much more money there would be for poor parishes.

I will not be giving to the TIM campaign.

Churchy Bonus: Yesterday was World Marriage Sunday! YAY! What did you do to celebrate?

The event recognizes the importance the Catholic Church places on its sacrament of marriage. It also underscores church leaders' concern about the downward trend in the nation's marriage rate since 1970.

"These alarming statistics highlight the importance of World Marriage Day and the Catholic Church's role in encouraging people to commit to one another and enter into the sacrament of marriage," Orange County Bishop Tod D. Brown said.

Lord in heaven, these heterosexuals are insecure in their marriages. Shit.

Oops.

What did I do with today? Oh, how I'll mourn you Pizza Friday.

Coming Clean

With the 37-hours a day reporting on the death of Anna Nicole Smith, I feel like I wouldn't be remiss in not adding my $0.02.

I liked Anna Nicole Smith. I thought she was funny when she was intentionally funny. I thought she was a tragic person, especially in the pain that she experienced. I don't think she was a slut, an idiot, a whore, a golddigger, or a bad person. I think she was naive. I think she was innocent. And I think she was a victim.

She was a victim of her own demons -- bad decisions, drugs, body issues, media scrutiny. She was a victim of her enemies -- her stepson, America. She was a victim of her "loved ones" -- Howard K. Stern, her family, her boyfriends and exes.

I think, on some level, I can relate to her.

Her life seemed to have been very balanced in that with every blessing came heartache. I am apprehensive when good things happen, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. While certainly not on her scale, my life ebbs and flows just like hers. Yours probably does, too.

I hate our celebrity culture in which CNN and Fox News spend hours upon hours reporting the death of a former stripper. I hate a culture in which she could make headlines by being more and more "outrageous." I hate a culture that celebrates large breasts and simple minds. But I don't hate Anna Nicole Smith.

She lived her life and made people laugh -- whether unintentionally or not. I think she was smarter than most will ever give her credit for, but it doesn't matter. She was a person, with a heart and feelings. She loved. Without a doubt, there were those who loved her.

So, please, stop it with the "golddigger" clips, the stripper pole stock footage, the countless interviews with frightenly slurred speech. Stop sending me unsolicited emails like this one:

Subject: Sell that Trimspa Stock...

For our Grand Parents.....It was Pearl Harbor
For our Parents......it was the assassination of JFK

For Our Generation......We will always remember where we were when we got the 17 text messages making fun on Anna Nicole's kidneys finally telling her "Screw You, Guys...I'm Going Home"

For those interested, there is a memorial in front of the Krispy Kreme for those who wish to light a candle, lay flowers, or get a dozen glazed in her honor.

We Miss You, Anna......As well as do the makers of Vicodin, OxyContin, Lortab, Percocet, Dilaudid, Fentanyl, Darvocet, Valium, Ativan, Roxycodone, and Morphine.

She was a human being -- no matter whether you approved of her life or not. Those who celebrate and mock the death of another, only wish it upon themselves. Make light of and judge another person as you will. But keep it away from me. She was a person who lived and loved and laughed and cried. And she made my life just a little richer. In her passing, all I have is to acknowledge that, smile, and move on.

From the "Yeah, Right... Sure" Department

"I do know cases where he is calling individuals who he thought were supporting Sen. Clinton, and they're supporting me."

New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson, in an interview with
the Albuquerque Tribune, on Bill Clinton's fundraising efforts.

Yeah, right... sure. Keep telling yourself that people -- the big name Democratic Party donors -- are telling the Big Dog "No!" because your support is so strong. Gov. Richardson, what you smoking?

The Misadventures of Brian, Queen of the Desert

"Why don't you light your tampon on fire and blow your box apart, because that's the only bang you're ever gonna get."

I think it was my junior year of high school. I had a tight group of friends, mostly from the swim team. Suzanne, Steve, Jill (the three I still see regularly), Troy, Katrina, Shawn... there were others. I don't want to spend time remembering names. We would hang out most Friday nights together. Usually pretty innocent, up until senior year when occasionally we'd have a cocktail or two. Interestingly enough, I can't think of one time any of us drove after drinking during that time. At least I know I never did. We seemed to be pretty responsible, irresponsbile kids.

One night, again, I think during junior year, we were hanging out at Steve's house. Or maybe, Steve just brought the movie. His parents had rented it and loved it. We might as well watch it: The Adventure of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert!

A little indy flick from Australia. Amy knew about because she liked fashion, and it won an Oscar for costume design. Others may have had a passing familiarity with it. We watching the film.

"Me no like you anyway, you have little ding-a-ling."

You should know about it now. It was about three Australian drag queens crossing the outback. They're bringing along a ton of frocks, enough make-up for a Tammy Faye convention, and a beautiful lesson in love, tolerance, and human dignity. Apparently the actors were relatively big names in Australia, including Guy Pearce (LA Confidential, Memento) and Huge Weaving (The Matrix, Lord of the Rings, V for Vendetta) who ended up big names in the States, too.

We watched that movie that night and loved it. We watched it a lot more. For Christmas senior year, Jill bought me a copy and we watched it more. It broke down barriers to enjoy other drag films, like To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar and Victor Victoria.

The whole group embraced it. They embraced me -- maybe not knowing it. I was still "closeted". I don't really know when they knew. I did a crappy job coming out. I never really officially told my best friend, a decision I regret to this day. Hell, I didn't come out to Steve and Jill until this past October when I brought a boy to my High School reunion. They still embraced me!

When we watched that movie, and everyone laughed, and sang, and even cried a little, I felt like they were telling me it was okay. No one cringed when the trannie kissed the burly mechanic. No one looked away as Guy Pearce pranced around in skimpy underwear or a revealing dress.

"Just what this country needs, a cock in a frock on a rock."

I didn't grow up in the most progressive part of Southern California, but I had it easy. I think I was only called a "fag" once or twice, and it was always an isolated situation. No one ever jumped on the bandwagon and encouraged the abuser -- both times I recall he was left to wallow in his bigotry alone. (One offender later apologized and laughed about it. The other never said anything to me after he graduated and today he's involved in Christian ministry. Surprised?)

But I had progressive friends.

I had used the conservative area to build up my closet around me. I put on the appearance of the most conservative of the group, even starting a Young Republican club on campus. (I started it but only went to one meeting. It was LAME!) I think that these friends helped me become who I am today. Their celebrating the differences of that movie was an endorsement of how very different we would all become in the future.

Adolescence is time of conformity. We do everything we can to fit in. We form life-long relationships while acting as someone we aren't. Eventually, we'll spread our wings and change. And hopefully the love and belonging we experienced when we "were just like everyone else" will shelter and protect us when we no longer fit in. I don't always fit in. But I remember when we watched that movie -- when only I knew I was different -- that those three drag queens, Bernadette, Mitzi, and Felicia, were part of our group. If they could belong, so could I.

The movie was on television the other night. I laughed as hard as ever, having seen it nearly 100 times by now. And I went into my room, thanked God for the people in my life, and cried a little.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: "No more fucking ABBA!"

Oh, and did I mention for my 17th birthday my friends chipped in, sent me on scavenger hunt, and bought me ABBA's boxed set, Thank You for the Music? Yeah, I'm sure they had no idea!

URLs

When posting -- especially on message boards and forums -- shrinking long URLs is common courtesy. Thanks to TinyURL, it's easy, too! For example, I can shrink down my cumberson blogspot URL to:

http://tinyurl.com/24k9mf

Of course, someone would have to respond in kind on the internets. So, now we have HugeURL, in case you are feeling threatened by your new tiny URL. Drop in my URL and I get:

http://www.hugeurl.com/?YzM1MDA3YTcwNDA5NTlmNTJlNjBmNjMyYmI3
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This is just some silliness. I need it. I feel like crap.