When?

When is it okay to act?

This haunts me in so many of my life decisions. In dating, I don't play games. If I meet someone I'm interested in, I want to go out with them. If I go out and have a nice time, I want to tell them. If they had a nice time, I want them to tell me. I don't want to wait 3 days. Sometimes they understand and aren't spooked. Sometimes, they are.

I'm impatient.

When I go on a job interview, I want to know if I got the job right away. If I have to wait a week, I've already ruled it out.

When I think about changing something, I want it to happen right away. When there is a refrigerator in my dining room, I want it put away fast.

Mostly, life itself has a different plan. I have to wait. But, for how long?

My brother was married before. It was unfortunate and strange. His current wife and the mother of his 3 amazing children, who I love as much as I could any other person, was actually his high school girlfriend. They dated in high school and college and broke it off. He met another girl, dated her and 2 years later was married. (No Davis boy dared get married before finishing college. He waited a month, I think.) Within 3 years, he was divorced. During the messy divorce, while he was stationed alone overseas, he started talking with his old high school girlfriend. They spoke a lot. They went on a trip together. They flew between her home in California and his in Colorado. Then they wed. And I, all of maybe 17 or 18 at the time, couldn't tell anyone.

Why? Because when I did, the immediate reaction was always, "Didn't he just get divorced?" Who cares that they had known each other for over 10 years. Who cares that he had dated her for twice as long as his first wife. Who cares that he was happy and his new wife was amazing. All people cared about was how his life fit into their timeline.

I've been reading this blog, Atomic Tumor, for what seems like forever. Turns out, its been a little over 3 weeks. Back then, his wife was alive. She passed away on the 19th I think. On November 1, one month ago, he told us that she had the flu. Today, he's not wearing his wedding rings. Is that too soon? Is he trying to move on to quickly?

How long do you have to wait? If he "mourns" for 6 months, who's to say 10 years from now the reality of his wife passing won't suddenly hit him and wear him down? Does he need to wait a year? Two years? What if he can live and mourn at the same time?

How often, when we are waiting for something to pass, do we miss an amazing opportunity? I think we need to live more in the moment, less concerned about the future, the past, and definately less concerned with others.

Who cares if I just broke up with someone? Should I shuttle the opportunity to meet someone new, maybe (and from this perspective definately) better?

This Short Life

As should be expected, Thanksgiving weekend involves shopping, relaxation, too much family, and Christmas decorations. My house hasn't gotten hit -- mostly because the most crafty roommate is traveling and the crack-head one is out the door this week -- but my brother's house isn't as lucky. We spent much of today decorating, including the exterior lights.

Brother's house is tall, 3 stories and gabled and all. After what seemed a few hours, we realized that the only adequate display would require a feat of great heights -- a trip to the upper roofs.

Of course, the sniveling bro decided that he was afraid of heights and wouldn't go out on the roof near the 3rd floor. Finally, I took the bull by the horns and took action. I crawled out the third story window on to the short and steep tiled roof to have the living shit scared out of me!

I've never been afraid of heights but it took me about 15 minutes that far up -- without a net or rope or much of anything to hold on to -- for me to totally give up! My heart was racing. My legs were weak. Apparently, I'm afraid of heights!