The Face of the Closet

Images of gay men, used by the media, often lean towards the shocking and illicit. If you've seen media coverage of gay pride events you've definitely seen your fair share of scantily clad men, thongs, and feathers. Fictional portrayals of gay men are often just as over-the-top. Jack from Will & Grace, or the boys of Queer as Folk present America with either swishy nancy-boys or promiscuous, cock-hungry, young and greased-up hairless twinks on the prowl.

The reality is that the gay community is as diverse as any and that for every circuit boy dancing shirtless in clubs throughout our country's big cities there are fathers cuddled up on the sofa watching Dancing with Stars after putting their kids to bed.

And for every wholesome, well-adjusted gay man and shirtless twink or twink-obsessed queen, there are the men who live in the closet and are haunted by its demons.

Some of them serve in the United States Senate, but most are probably trying to get by living a "normal" life in America's heartland. They've been admonished by their clergy, scorned by their neighbors, and isolated from their families... probably before they turned 12 years-old. Eventually, they married a woman and tried to live that life they were told God had laid out for them.

The problem is you can't change your diesel into a hybrid just with a new paint job. If you are born gay, you'll find the urge, the need, the attraction unavoidable.

Thus the pain of the closet.

Governor James McGreevey will tell you all about it, if you buy his book. I imagine, after his Senate career comes to an inglorious end, Larry Craig will have a few choice words as well. For centuries, closeted gay men have gone to extremes to meet the carnal needs ignored at home.

In Huntsville, Alabama, local police found 22 men trying to meet those needs in a public park. It's an old story. The Associate Press probably can provide newswriters with boiler plate copy. I would never defend acts of public sex, and it is not my intent to encourage extra-marital sexual behavior. Furthermore, there is no evidence in this article that helps a 20-something Angeleno know for a fact that these men were living a closeted lifestyle. What I do get from the story, because it spices up local news and gets ratings, is addresses and photos of the alleged sexual deviants.

The first thing I notice is that these aren't pics of the hardbodies at Equinox West Hollywood or the rough-trade leather daddies of the meatpacking district. These are men that would likely blend in well at a John Deere tractor auction, if not an Alabama GOP Organizing Meeting.

No matter how much the media, our enemies, or even our friends, want to paint the gay community with a broad brush, they will continue to fail so long as they don't recognize that we are all very different. If we can't be wrapped up in the simple hate-filled code language of James Dobson and Pat Robertson, it might be hard to land those punches that Jimmy and Patsy hope will knock us out.

The 22 men are slimey. But they represent what happens when shame rules your life. What is rarely addressed when we (as a country) tear down a Larry Craig or Ted Haggard is what conditions pressure men (and women) into living a dangerous, lie-filled life. The lesson of these 22 mugshots continuing to live in shame.