Dan Savage: Will you marry me?

From Savage Love, 3/1/07:

I read your column faithfully every week in the Orlando Weekly. But I need to ask two things. What does the abbreviation GGG stand for? And what was the website that you mentioned a while ago for men to meet transsexuals?

A Faithful Reader

GGG stands for "good, giving, and game," which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners. Think "good in bed," "giving equal time and equal pleasure," and "game for anything—within reason." And that tranny website I mentioned was, I believe, www.freerepublic.com.(emphasis added)

Two Americas: Gay vs. Straight?

Democratic Presidential candidate John Edwards announced his support for a repeal of the Pentagon's "Don't Ask/Don't Tell" policy. He may have done it out of political expediency, sensing it would endear him to the Democratic left. He may have done it out necessity, trying to keep his campaign in the news. He may have done it out of concern for national security -- the best reason. For whatever reason, I'm glad he did it because, as of today, he's my horse in the Democratic Primary.

Naturally, the bitter gays have set their sights on him:

So, he thinks gays and lesbians have the right to serve and die in a useless war, but he's not sure they have the right to make sure their spouses get survivor's benefits...cuz they're not really good enough to be "spouses". How nice for him.
-- FANGIRLHATER, from Towleroad.com

The point is that we get all attiter (is that a word) about someone throwing us a crumb on the military but still going to deny us marriage rights yet years ago....years ago a man was running for the dem nom who wanted full rights for us across the board. His support from the homosexual community was very very small.
-- JIMMYBOYO, from Towleroad.com

Is John Edwards perfect? No. But not one of the major declared candidates for president publically support full marriage equality. Furthermore, which ones -- Clinton, Obama, Biden, and the like -- spoke out today infavor of Congressman Meehan's repeal legislation? Gay issues -- marriage equality, hate crimes legislation, ENDA, Don't Ask/Don't Tell, HIV/AIDS -- are very important to me. And based on estimates ranging from conservative to most liberal, there are anywhere from 6 million to 25 million gay Americans that care passionately about these issues. But there are 36 million Americans living in poverty and millions more on the edge. There are nearly 47 million Americans without health insurance. And of course, there have been 3,161 Americans killed in Iraq and more than 23,000 injured in this war.

All of these people have an interest in a change in leadership and all of these issues are just part of what we should be concerned about. Unless we are interested in sitting out for the next 20 years, maybe "the Gays" shouldn't be so fickle?

Happy Endings

Maybe the unconventional is the best way after all?

I've seen interesting pairings, or unusual starts to begin with. Maybe this is documented proof that there is no "right way" to find love.

10 Things I'm Thinking on Monday

1. Lent sucks. All that introspection can really bring a man down. Like getting ready to die... on a cross... for the crap that someone else did... Lent sucks.

2. I'm actually trying to focus my mind during the season and I'm seeing rewards. There are people -- a specific person -- I haven't been talking to much for more than a month now and it haunts me every day. I love him, admire him, and hope to be like him one day and it's tearing me up to be so weak and think I could write him off. I had the smallest little text exchange this morning and things seem to be getting back to normal. Slowly. That's good.

3. My roommate Ben moved out last night. We decided to keep it just the three of us since we've had a hard time with keeping roommates. We don't think Ben is leaving because he doesn't like us. He's in love with an amazing lady. He moved to Chicago. Hopefully he's chasing her and not running from us. If he's running from us, he better know he can't get away. I saw his room this morning -- he left in the middle of the night for his 2,000 mile drive -- and was a little choked up seeing it empty.

4. I want Al Gore to run for President. I will quit my job and work on his campaign.

5. Ted, if you are reading this, my Blog is not a party game. It's a documentation of my most serious, personal thoughts. (I'm kidding of course. Take a shot every time I use sarcasm to transition the dialog to gummi bears.)

6. Gummi Bears make the world go round.

7. I want to go to Boston again.

8. Everything I thought I wanted 2 weeks ago was tossed up in the air recently. Yesterday, I did some easy diving with students -- advanced, less concered for their life -- and got into my head. I'm figuring things out. Nothing is easy.

9. A 72 year-old gay man was beaten to death in Detroit last week. He didn't do anything to deserve this. He existed. That's it. We live in a nation that will talk for hours on end today and tomorrow how an injustice has finally been rectified: Martin Scorsese finally won an Oscar. But I bet no one will find time in the national news cycle to talk about the injustice done to Andrew Anthos of Detroit.

10. Damn, it's only Monday. At 10:30.

Juveniles.

I work for a non-profit organization. I'm the Development Director and grantwriter. I write grants. Grant proposals have budgets in them. Follow me here, it's slowly making sense.

Budgets have salaries in them. People read budgets with salary information. One of our programs has accomplished nothing in over a year, despite having funding. None of the staff working on that program is familiar with the proposals. Finally, I get fed up having to bullshit my way through reports because management doesn't communicate. This program manager has a high school education and has been at our agency for over 15 years. I call a meeting at which I confront the program staff about our grant obligations. Meeting goes well. Staff is excited to be informed and to participate in the process. Even my Junior Nemesis starts talking to me because she's so impressed and grateful.

And I have to endur a 15 minute conversation where program manager is upset because the budget was included in the materials. Heaven forbid people see salary data...

Except we are a public funded agency. Our salary data is, as is required by law, public information. A 5 minute search on the Internet returns most of the budget information for the agency. A few hours at city hall would result in FULL disclosure of this information.

Instead of having real, honest discussions with non-profit employees about why they make what they do, they want to lie and hide it.

Great Achievements in Douchebaggery III

I know y'all heard it. Former NBA "star" Tim Hardaway hates me. That's right, me and all the other gay people. (I put star in quotes because I barely follow sports enough to know who the stars are, and I swear I've only heard of Penny Hardaway. I guess Tim has gotten the press he craves.)

"Well, you know, I hate gay people," Hardaway said near the close of an interview that mostly focused on his tenure with the Heat and the team's current state. "I let it be known, I don't like gay people. I don't like to be around gay people.

"Yeah, I'm homophobic. I don't like it. It shouldn't be in the world for that or in the United States for that. So, yeah, I don't like it." -- From the South-Florida Sun-Sentinnel

It was keeping me up at night. It's so rare to stumble across an ignorant bigot, a shock to find out that people hate. How could I handle such devastating news? Fear not, I think he's sorry. This week, after the NBA told him there would be no more checks coming his way from them, he may have had a change of heart, telling Scoop Jackson of ESPN: "...it was just the wrong choice of words. It came out of my mouth real crude and real bad and real ugly. And people think that that's the way I feel. That I hate [gay people], and I don't."

Read on my investigative proteges. There's plenty more contrition in this douchebag's heart. Hardaway continues, "I don't condone what they do, but I don't hate them."

Whaaaaaa?

Condone? When did we ever ask for you to "condone" anything? You know what I don't condone? Ignorant sycophants leaching off the media and allowing them to spew there nonsensical bile across countless valuable inches of newspaper space. I also don't condone grown men, college-educated men, whose mastery of grammar and language competes with a 12 year-old street thug:

When we was growing up Scoop, if we saw gay people or whatever, we ran across the street. We got away from them. Our parents, our friends, our families knew that that wasn't right. We didn't want to be around that and they definitely didn't want us kids around it. And it's not that they hated gay people, they just felt they it wasn't right. Let them do what they want to do. And that was my experience when I was growing up. Not acknowledging them. Now did something happen to me? No. But I did have a friend that something happened to him in a Catholic school, but that is another can of worms that it's not my place to open because it's not my life. But to answer your question, 'No.' Nothing happened to me. I just don't condone [being gay]. When I see gay people holding hands or kissing in the streets, I just don't think that's right.

I like it when the bigots of the world are revealed to have the intellectual capacity of a potato (or "potatoe" if you so prefer).

Mr. Hardaway, please keep your half-apologies to yourself. I don't care about your poor"word choice," I care that you think that you sit in some position to judge. You bring nothing to the table but vitriolic rhetoric that destroys people and community. You are nothing more than a douchebag. Now shut up and go home.

Second Runner Up in "Great Achievements in Douchebaggery": The Media.

Why must you give these people a platform from which to speak? Yes, he has a right to his assinine opinion. And when he buys a newspaper, sets up a blog (ahem), or spends his money traveling to every backwater church in America to spew hate, than he can wax poetic on the virtues of hatred all he wants. There is a Constitutional right to free speech that is gospel truth for me, but there is also a God-given olbigation to common sense and compassion. And no media outlet needs to embrace these douchebags so they can taint our young people with their vile hatred.

BONUS: Ever notice all the good "ugly" words start with the letter "V"? Awesome.

Previous "Great Achievements in Douchebaggery": Rudy Guiliani, Mitt Romney

All About Me

I've decided to change my MySpace profile again, but I like my current one, so I'm moving it here for posterity. Enjoy.

1. I am 28 years old.
2. I still don’t know what that should mean.
3. I am college educated but think I made a mistake in picking my field.
4. And my college.
5. I like my job in theory.
6. I hate it in practice.
7. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
8. If possible, I wouldn't mind being Jake Shears of the Scissor Sisters.
9. Or, at the very least, Mrs. Jake Shears.
10. I am gay and it’s important to me.
11. I think that people that say “being gay is just a small part of who I am” are full of shit.
12. I am a Democrat.
13. I usually don’t trust Republicans.
14. I don’t really trust Democrats, either.
15. I never trust people who drink decaffenated coffee.
16. I would vote for a person drinking decaf over a Republican any day.
17. I would probably vote for a cup of decaf over a Republican any day.
18. I think the United States of America is the greatest country on the planet.
19. That doesn't mean it couldn't be better.
20. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be better.
21. I believe that if we are going to go to war, it should be felt by more than the unfortunate families who have sacrificed their soldiers.
22. Voting is a good start.
23. Voting Democratic is a better start.
24. Voting is only a start.
25. I love my family. They are the greatest influence on every decision I make. I can barely pick what cereal to have in the morning without first wondering if my father would approve.
26. I believe in God.
27. I don’t know if I have a “personal relationship” with him or if he even likes me very much.
28. I think that the Church can be a very positive force for good in the world.
29. I also believe that fire is a positive force for good, providing humans with heat and light, a way to stay warm in the winter, and cook food.
30. I know that fire can be destructive and has ended many lives and hurt millions of people.
31. Ditto on the Church.
32. I think I'm a Christian Universalist. If you know what I mean by that, email me, we'll get a long great. If you also identify that way, even better. Give me a call.
33. I love children but don’t know if I want my own.
34. I used to think that gays and lesbians should only adopt, that it was better for the world.
35. Then I met my first nephew. Six nieces and nephews later and I can understand that biological urge to have your own children.
36. Six nieces and nephews later and I’m pretty sure I don’t want children.
37. I’m pretty selfish.
38. I’m selfish because I’m the youngest child in my family and have been single for almost my entire adulthood.
39. I’ve never touched a woman’s bare breast.
40. I saw a vagina for the first time in the kitchen at a Christmas Party.
41. I believe vaginas are gross but necessary.
42. I don’t support civil unions, even though I used to cheer every time some milquetoast Democrat said they supported them.
43. I recognize, along with the Supreme Court, that separate is never equal.
44. I couldn’t care less about clothes, most popular music or lines from movies.
45. All most people want to talk about it seems are clothes, popular music or lines from movies.
46. I don't like old people. They say weird things, smell funny, and freak me out.
47. I'm terrified that my parents are becoming old people.
48. I still love them more than anything in the world.
49. Maybe there is hope for them.
50. But not for guys who feature shirtless pics on MySpace. (ahem, Ben)

The Paradoxical Commandments

by Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest people with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest people with the smallest ideas. Think big anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
People really need help, but may attack you if you do help them. Help them anyway.
People favor underdogs, but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
Give the world the best that you have and you'll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.

This weekend, I made a visit -- an amazing, attitude-changing visit -- to the Boston area. While there, I knew I wanted to visit the Paulist Center. The Paulist Center is a welcoming, affirming Roman Catholic congregation run by the Paulist fathers. The Paulists are well known for their progressive, love-and-peace centered communities on college campuses. Locally, they also run St. Paul's Parish in Westwood.

I first learned of the Paulist Center during the 2004 Presidential campaign. John Kerry was attacked for being Catholic/not being Catholic enough, and his home parish was mentioned. Like me, Senator Kerry has found that your average Catholic parish -- which covers a defined geographical area -- is grossly inadequate. Luckily for him, the Paulist Center is in his 'hood on Beacon Hill. Unlucky for me, I have to drive into Santa Monica for my church.

The Paulist Center has a beautiful crucifix over its altar. That's what stood out to me. I printed out a picture of it and have kept it at my desk at two jobs. I wanted to see this crucifix. In making my plans, I committed myself (and my host) to taking me. (He liked it.)

The Mass was beautiful and meaningful. This weekend was heavy for me, and having some time for prayer was good. I like the Catholic liturgy because it has remained so constant in my life. I disagree with the Church on so much; I have grand intellectual battles in my mind and heart with the Church as my foe. But it's always there. And fortunately, places like the Paulist Center are there.

This week, I really paid attention to the readings because my heart and mind were well aligned. This was a good week. The first reading came from the book of Samuel and was the story of David and Saul. Saul was King of the tribes of Israel. He was a crumby kind. David's destiny was to be King, he would be a great King. He had a chance to destroy Saul and his army while they slept, but he knew that was not righteous. He made a tough choice, to be merciful to Saul, and to act with justice.

The second reading was from Paul's letter to the Corinthians. Paul sucks. Oh well. But the Gospel... it's a famous one. This Gospel reading is where we get the Golden Rule.

To you who hear I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. To the person who strikes you on one cheek, offer the other one as well, and from the person who takes your cloak, do not withhold even your tunic. Give to everyone who asks of you, and from the one who takes what is yours do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. For if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do the same. If you lend money to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, and get back the same amount. But rather, love your enemies and do good to them, and lend expecting nothing back; then your reward will be great and you will be children of the Most High, for he himself is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Stop judging and you will not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven. Give, and gifts will be given to you; a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing, will be poured into your lap. For the measure with which you measure will in return be measured out to you.

The priest's homily included his sharing of the Paradoxical Commandements, which I started off with. It seems cut and dry.

But, who are my enemies? Yes, I could be a better person. I could be nicer to my nemesis, Little Miss Nemesis, my brother, Scabies. These are all highlights of my recent moments of weakness, cowardice, and childishness. While I know I should act differently to them, based on my mindset on Sunday, and since thinking of this liturgy, I don't think this is who God is warning me of. Where is the danger in my actions? Who is this great enemy?

It's me.

Stop judging and you will not be judged. Stop condemning and you will not be condemned. Forgive and you will be forgiven.

I need to love myself. I need to embrace my decisions. I need to take that ownership.

For if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do the same. If you lend money to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, and get back the same amount.

And here is why I would be a bad priest: I'll find something completely different. During the homily, Father spoke about how difficult it is to do these things. Perhaps our great human challenge. (Think of how much power spite and vengeance weild? If we lived the Golden Rule, terrorist would achieve nothing. Bullies would acheive nothing. The Republican Party would acheive nothing.)

I do the easy thing. My life is full of the easy decisions. Maybe it's time to make the hard decision. To take a risk and be a pioneer. I think I see some opportunities on the horizon. Will I let risk get the better of me? Will I cower to my own self? I should be strong. Be bold. Not easy. (Well, easy can get you places, but that's for another blog!)

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is all the way to the bone!

I have something to talk about, but I think I'm feeling to gay to do it. So instead, here's a little Bea Arthur and Madame. It doesn't get any gayer than this!

Thank you, Amy!

Finally, someone is asking the tough questions:

"Why isn't gloria allred involved in the Anna Nicole Smith drama? I'm sure there is a place for her."

-- Miss Amy, Feb 15, 2007

Today's "What the F#%$?" Moment Brought to You By:

the Transportation Security Administration!

This week I'm going on a little trip. I wanted to check out any changes to the travel rules and used my airlines recommendation to check out the TSA... on Valentine's Day.

I really would feel better if the logo of the agency trusted with my security was a little less "fluffy."

Previously in "Today's "What the F#%$?" Moment Brought to You By:": The Spork!

No Jokes Here

Today, Al Franken announced his bid to unseat Republican Senator Norm Coleman. You might know of Senator Coleman. He's been a pretty unremarkable senator, but his election is definately noteworthy. He was the former Democratic mayor of St. Paul, who switched parties midterm. In 2002 and at the urging of Karl Rove, he decided to challenge popular progressive Senator Paul Wellstone, whose campaign Coleman co-chair in 1996. Senator Wellstone was taken from us just 2 weeks before election day in a plane crash and Coleman went on to defeat stand-in Walter Mondale.

Al Franken, a native Minnesotan, has joked in the past that in this election only one of the New York Jews running will have been raised in Minnesota. Franken moved to the state when he was 4. I think besides that one bad joke, there won't be many more. I think Franken is very serious, will make a very good senator, and that he will talk about issues that matter to Middle America.



This is a winning message (and it doesn't hurt that he gets in a "Big Dog" quote as well):

President Clinton used to say that there’s nothing wrong with America that can’t be fixed by what’s right with America, or, as I would add, by what’s right with Minnesota. We can lead the fight against global warming and dependence on foreign oil by developing new sources of renewable energy—and create good Minnesota jobs in the process. We can lead the nation in finding life-saving cures by harnessing the potential of stem-cell research. We can lead the nation by sending someone to the Senate who’ll be a voice for a strong and responsible America, one that uses its relationship with our allies to create a better and more secure world for ourselves and for future generations.

Al Franken is a serious student of policy. He's not "just a comedian," he's a man who knows the issues, has good ideas, and will make a good Senator. We'll see how the primary campaign flushes out, but I wish him the best.

Where you at?

I think this is a cool little toy. Tell me where you are at? We get enough of you around here, I use stat counter, so come on... Show your face. Tell me where you at.

Great Achievements in Douchebaggery II

Today's GAID is brought to you by the right honorable Willard Mitt Romney, former Governor of Taxachusetts, defender of the Tabernacle, General in Joseph Smith's Army, Maker of Money, and Savior of the Olympics. Since he officially announced his candidacy for President -- in Michigan, hmmm, why not Massachusetts where he lives and, oh, served as Governor? -- I thought I would share with you what I consider one of his greatest achievements.

Here's a primer. Mitt is a douchebag. To save time, I'll only focus on his position on abortion because it best demonstrates that he is a) spineless, b) a panderer, c) without conviction, and d) a demagogue.

Mitt was that rare Mormon "conservative" who was pro-choice. Apparently, he formed his position in 1970, when his own mother -- wife of the Governor of Michigan (Mitt's daddy) -- ran for the United States Senate. We learned this at a debate in 1994 when he challenged Democratic Senator Ted Kennedy. (Do people really think they'll ever beat him?)

One of the great things about our nation, Sally, is that we are each entitled to have strong personal beliefs and we encourage other people to do the same. But as a nation, we recognize the right of all people to believe what they want and not to impose our beliefs on other people. I believe abortion should be safe and legal in this country...

Then Senator Kennedy responds, bragging about his support "of the Roe v. Wade." I don't think I've ever heard the Supreme Court decision of Roe v. Wade, which guarenteed a constitutional right to privacy and access to abortion, as "the Roe v. Wade." Like "the gays," "the AIDS," or "the drugs." It makes me smile. He goes on to use a great line, "I am pro-choice, my opponent (Mitt Romney) is multiple choice."

Romney feels compelled to defend his position and comes back with a very personal, compelling story:

On the idea of multiple choice, I have to respond. I have my own beliefs, and those are very dear to me. One of them is that I do not impose my beliefs on other people. Many, many years ago, I had a dear close family relative that was very close to me who passed away due to an illegal abortion. It is since that time that my mother and my family have been committed to the belief that we can believe as we want, but we will not force our beliefs on others on that matter. And you will not see me wavering on that.

Mitt Romney confirmed that he would support a woman's right to choose when he successfully ran for governor in 2002. Through most of his tenure, he did so. Until he decided that he wanted the Republican nomination for president.



Today, Mitt Romney is 100% "Pro-Life" (sic). He is running for the Republican nomination as an opponent of abortion and "the Roe v. Wade." He has said that he does not support a Federally guarenteed right to privacy and the decision of a woman and her doctor. In stepping up for a national campaign, he let his pandering to "life issues" interfere with justice, vetoing a Massachusetts law that would provide emergency contraception for the victims of rape.

While I find a poll-tested flip-flop one of the most disgusting moves in modern American politics, I think you will find Mitt's one of the most egregious ever.

This is why:

• In 1994, and again 2002, he said that despite his personal feelings on abortion and his Mormon faith, he would support a woman's right to choose and the Roe v. Wade decision.
• Despite running as a "conservative" Republican in heavily Democratic and very progressive Massachusetts, he took this "brave" position in defiance of his party because of a personally held belief system.
• This belief system was informed by the tragic death of a close family member.
• But after 4 years as governor, and with presidential ambitions, his position has shifted.

Maybe he was full of shit in 1994 and he was pandering to moderates and liberals to defeat a liberal Democrat. Maybe he brought out the sob story of a lost loved one to help deflect the obvious questions pro-choice voters would have when voting for a conservative Republican Mormon. Maybe he was willing to do whatever it took, including using his dead relative, to try to paint himself as Pro-Choice.

Or, maybe he's full of shit today. Maybe he still mourns for his lost relative and fears that others will have to endur the pain of a back-alley abortion gone bad, but he's willing to look the other way to win higher office. Maybe he really is Pro-Choice but is willing to bend over (but not in a gay, sodomy-like way) for the Religious Right. Maybe he has no values -- either liberal or conservative.

One thing is clear, Mitt Romney is a douchebag!

Previous "Great Achievements in Douchebaggery: Rudy Guiliani

Together in the Missionary Positon

Last night I went to church. It wasn't easy to find, I had to Google it. I'm sure they moved the church. It's been that long. (Not really, I was there a month ago, but from the way some friends reacted you would think I was Martin Guerre.)

This week, naturally, they were asking for money. It was the week, before Lent, that marks the annual "Together In Mission" campaign. TIM raises money for poor parishes and school keeping them open. A lot of people think that if a church can't pay its bills, than the Bishop comes in and saves the day. Nope. Even in the Catholic church, each parish is supposed to be self-sustaining. Many rely on their annual TIM subsidy to make it happen.

This year the goal for the Archdiocese is a little over $14 million to help support these poor parishes.

I could help but think of the sexual abuse scandal, and the hundreds of millions of dollars that the Archdiocese of Los Angeles will end up paying to victims of its crimes... if not billions! I couldn't help but think if the church had cared more about protecting innocence and serving God, and not serving itself, by removing these priests and handing them over to the police, how much more money there would be for poor parishes.

I will not be giving to the TIM campaign.

Churchy Bonus: Yesterday was World Marriage Sunday! YAY! What did you do to celebrate?

The event recognizes the importance the Catholic Church places on its sacrament of marriage. It also underscores church leaders' concern about the downward trend in the nation's marriage rate since 1970.

"These alarming statistics highlight the importance of World Marriage Day and the Catholic Church's role in encouraging people to commit to one another and enter into the sacrament of marriage," Orange County Bishop Tod D. Brown said.

Lord in heaven, these heterosexuals are insecure in their marriages. Shit.

Oops.

What did I do with today? Oh, how I'll mourn you Pizza Friday.

Coming Clean

With the 37-hours a day reporting on the death of Anna Nicole Smith, I feel like I wouldn't be remiss in not adding my $0.02.

I liked Anna Nicole Smith. I thought she was funny when she was intentionally funny. I thought she was a tragic person, especially in the pain that she experienced. I don't think she was a slut, an idiot, a whore, a golddigger, or a bad person. I think she was naive. I think she was innocent. And I think she was a victim.

She was a victim of her own demons -- bad decisions, drugs, body issues, media scrutiny. She was a victim of her enemies -- her stepson, America. She was a victim of her "loved ones" -- Howard K. Stern, her family, her boyfriends and exes.

I think, on some level, I can relate to her.

Her life seemed to have been very balanced in that with every blessing came heartache. I am apprehensive when good things happen, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. While certainly not on her scale, my life ebbs and flows just like hers. Yours probably does, too.

I hate our celebrity culture in which CNN and Fox News spend hours upon hours reporting the death of a former stripper. I hate a culture in which she could make headlines by being more and more "outrageous." I hate a culture that celebrates large breasts and simple minds. But I don't hate Anna Nicole Smith.

She lived her life and made people laugh -- whether unintentionally or not. I think she was smarter than most will ever give her credit for, but it doesn't matter. She was a person, with a heart and feelings. She loved. Without a doubt, there were those who loved her.

So, please, stop it with the "golddigger" clips, the stripper pole stock footage, the countless interviews with frightenly slurred speech. Stop sending me unsolicited emails like this one:

Subject: Sell that Trimspa Stock...

For our Grand Parents.....It was Pearl Harbor
For our Parents......it was the assassination of JFK

For Our Generation......We will always remember where we were when we got the 17 text messages making fun on Anna Nicole's kidneys finally telling her "Screw You, Guys...I'm Going Home"

For those interested, there is a memorial in front of the Krispy Kreme for those who wish to light a candle, lay flowers, or get a dozen glazed in her honor.

We Miss You, Anna......As well as do the makers of Vicodin, OxyContin, Lortab, Percocet, Dilaudid, Fentanyl, Darvocet, Valium, Ativan, Roxycodone, and Morphine.

She was a human being -- no matter whether you approved of her life or not. Those who celebrate and mock the death of another, only wish it upon themselves. Make light of and judge another person as you will. But keep it away from me. She was a person who lived and loved and laughed and cried. And she made my life just a little richer. In her passing, all I have is to acknowledge that, smile, and move on.

From the "Yeah, Right... Sure" Department

"I do know cases where he is calling individuals who he thought were supporting Sen. Clinton, and they're supporting me."

New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson, in an interview with
the Albuquerque Tribune, on Bill Clinton's fundraising efforts.

Yeah, right... sure. Keep telling yourself that people -- the big name Democratic Party donors -- are telling the Big Dog "No!" because your support is so strong. Gov. Richardson, what you smoking?

The Misadventures of Brian, Queen of the Desert

"Why don't you light your tampon on fire and blow your box apart, because that's the only bang you're ever gonna get."

I think it was my junior year of high school. I had a tight group of friends, mostly from the swim team. Suzanne, Steve, Jill (the three I still see regularly), Troy, Katrina, Shawn... there were others. I don't want to spend time remembering names. We would hang out most Friday nights together. Usually pretty innocent, up until senior year when occasionally we'd have a cocktail or two. Interestingly enough, I can't think of one time any of us drove after drinking during that time. At least I know I never did. We seemed to be pretty responsible, irresponsbile kids.

One night, again, I think during junior year, we were hanging out at Steve's house. Or maybe, Steve just brought the movie. His parents had rented it and loved it. We might as well watch it: The Adventure of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert!

A little indy flick from Australia. Amy knew about because she liked fashion, and it won an Oscar for costume design. Others may have had a passing familiarity with it. We watching the film.

"Me no like you anyway, you have little ding-a-ling."

You should know about it now. It was about three Australian drag queens crossing the outback. They're bringing along a ton of frocks, enough make-up for a Tammy Faye convention, and a beautiful lesson in love, tolerance, and human dignity. Apparently the actors were relatively big names in Australia, including Guy Pearce (LA Confidential, Memento) and Huge Weaving (The Matrix, Lord of the Rings, V for Vendetta) who ended up big names in the States, too.

We watched that movie that night and loved it. We watched it a lot more. For Christmas senior year, Jill bought me a copy and we watched it more. It broke down barriers to enjoy other drag films, like To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar and Victor Victoria.

The whole group embraced it. They embraced me -- maybe not knowing it. I was still "closeted". I don't really know when they knew. I did a crappy job coming out. I never really officially told my best friend, a decision I regret to this day. Hell, I didn't come out to Steve and Jill until this past October when I brought a boy to my High School reunion. They still embraced me!

When we watched that movie, and everyone laughed, and sang, and even cried a little, I felt like they were telling me it was okay. No one cringed when the trannie kissed the burly mechanic. No one looked away as Guy Pearce pranced around in skimpy underwear or a revealing dress.

"Just what this country needs, a cock in a frock on a rock."

I didn't grow up in the most progressive part of Southern California, but I had it easy. I think I was only called a "fag" once or twice, and it was always an isolated situation. No one ever jumped on the bandwagon and encouraged the abuser -- both times I recall he was left to wallow in his bigotry alone. (One offender later apologized and laughed about it. The other never said anything to me after he graduated and today he's involved in Christian ministry. Surprised?)

But I had progressive friends.

I had used the conservative area to build up my closet around me. I put on the appearance of the most conservative of the group, even starting a Young Republican club on campus. (I started it but only went to one meeting. It was LAME!) I think that these friends helped me become who I am today. Their celebrating the differences of that movie was an endorsement of how very different we would all become in the future.

Adolescence is time of conformity. We do everything we can to fit in. We form life-long relationships while acting as someone we aren't. Eventually, we'll spread our wings and change. And hopefully the love and belonging we experienced when we "were just like everyone else" will shelter and protect us when we no longer fit in. I don't always fit in. But I remember when we watched that movie -- when only I knew I was different -- that those three drag queens, Bernadette, Mitzi, and Felicia, were part of our group. If they could belong, so could I.

The movie was on television the other night. I laughed as hard as ever, having seen it nearly 100 times by now. And I went into my room, thanked God for the people in my life, and cried a little.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: "No more fucking ABBA!"

Oh, and did I mention for my 17th birthday my friends chipped in, sent me on scavenger hunt, and bought me ABBA's boxed set, Thank You for the Music? Yeah, I'm sure they had no idea!

URLs

When posting -- especially on message boards and forums -- shrinking long URLs is common courtesy. Thanks to TinyURL, it's easy, too! For example, I can shrink down my cumberson blogspot URL to:

http://tinyurl.com/24k9mf

Of course, someone would have to respond in kind on the internets. So, now we have HugeURL, in case you are feeling threatened by your new tiny URL. Drop in my URL and I get:

http://www.hugeurl.com/?YzM1MDA3YTcwNDA5NTlmNTJlNjBmNjMyYmI3
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eGFVMUl4YkZkWGJrcE9WbXh3V0ZsWWNGZFdSbFp5Vm10YVQxVlVNRGs9

This is just some silliness. I need it. I feel like crap.

Brian Speaks... Rather Intelligently

There are a number of blogs I read daily. Once I figure out my page design, I'll fix the blogroll. Then you can check them out. Until then, go read Scott-O-Rama. He's one of the Arizona gays that I like. The other being Boysbriefs.

Today, Scott confronts his own feelings on the immigration debate and is snagged by his personal demons. I think most of those demons are fed by the rhetoric of the immigration debate propogated by the fear-mongers of the right. Part of what Scott says:

As a gay man, one of my core values is to respect diversity... That is precisely why I hate the debate over immigration so much. I am afraid it might be turning me into a bigot.

Let me start by pointing out the elephant in the room here. When politicians and other public figures rant about illegal immigration, they by and large mean Hispanics from Mexico and other Latin American countries... I have no doubt when people like Jerry Falwell and Rush Limbaugh preach against illegal immigration, it is directly related to protecting their "white" America. They use the issue of immigration to mask the racism they harbor...

The repercussions of out-of-control illegal immigration are felt very strongly here in Arizona. Because they lack the proper documents to get higher paying jobs, many border-crossers are forced to be day laborers which keeps them at or below the poverty level. Pass by my local Home Depot any given morning and you’re likely to see fifty or more Hispanic men looking for day work. Because of their illegal status, these families can’t enroll their children in schools easily (although some have succeeded) so many Hispanic children are unable to get a proper education. I would guess that life is hard, very hard, for these people.

I would tend to sympathize more with their plight, but then I see demonstrations on my local news where hundreds are protesting new border laws saying they have a right to be in this county. I always think to myself, "What right? Did you not cross the border illegally? How does that give you any rights in our country?" It shames me to think that way, but logically it’s true.

Three recent stories in the news have further caused me to struggle with my stance on this issue. The first was from last summer when some local high school students were being threatened with deportation because it was discovered that both they and their parents were illegal aliens. The family had been in the country for many years however and the students had been attending U.S. schools just as long. People were fighting to allow the kids to remain in the country to finish high school. I found my view on the situation to be not about the kids themselves, but rather how the parents had probably paid no U.S. or Arizona taxes which fund our schools. Why should their kids get a free ride, I thought. I don’t have any kids, yet I have to pay taxes that support schools. Was this bigoted thinking on my part, or just my sense of fairness in play?

The second story has made national headlines. A pizza chain with stores here in Arizona, Pizza Patrón, has begun accepting pesos as payment... Buckaroo asked me what my opinion on it was... He was surprised when I told him I was completely against it. I defended my stance with three arguments: 1) It might hurt the already weak dollar (which I have no idea if that’s actually true); 2) it might put a hardship on small businesses who can’t deal in two currencies; and 3) the primary benefactors of this would be illegal immigrants...

The third story is in this morning’s Arizona Republic. The largest credit union in Arizona has announced that it is going to start targeting marketing towards undocumented immigrants... Furthermore a spokesperson for the credit union said that in regards to these potential new customers being illegal immigrants, "We’re not going to be required to notify an agency if we find out they’re undocumented. We’re not required by law to do that." My take on what the credit union is doing is they’re not above skirting the law if it can make them a buck. I was upset that they would do this because it will only assist people staying here in the country illegally.

So I find myself wondering, do my harsh views on illegal immigrants hide some sort of inner prejudice against Hispanics, or am I merely concerned about upholding the immigration laws? Do illegals really place a strain on our city and state resources, or is it just a convenient excuse to justify racism towards these people? I honestly don’t know the answer.

I do know that I want to have an open mind and tolerance for all people. Illegal immigration sometimes makes that difficult for me. Forgive me, but I really am trying my best not to become a bigot.

A few points.

Undocumented immigrants DO pay taxes. They pay sales tax -- the most regressive tax in our complicated tax system. They pay property tax -- landlords build property taxes into rents, they don't just "eat" that expense. And many pay payroll taxes because they work on fraudulent documents. (Plus, it is well known that if you are gonna break the law, still pay your taxes. The IRS is much better at enforcement than ICE. It's the IRS that brings down the mob!) Because they are here illegally, even though they pay payroll taxes, including Social Security, disability, etc., they will likely never collect on these benefits. They are also not likely to file return to collect overpaid taxes. Undocumented immigrants do pay taxes.

Also, many countries have economies that run on multiple currencies. My family vacations in Aruba often. There, stores, gas stations and restaurants will accept US dollars, the island's Florin, the Venezualen bolivar, and the Euro. The economy has not collapsed and the workers probably have better math skills than most Americans. I bought a soda and candy bar that is priced in Florin but I pay in US dollars. I get my change back in US paper money and
Florin coinage. They do the exchanges all in their heads. The world keeps spinning.

As to the Credit Union, if you don't want immigrants to be a drain on society, than you need to help them access our banking system. Most immigrants from Central and South America have little confiendence in banking systems. In their home countries, they may have experienced a bank that just closed up shop, taking all their money. Our system is far superior and the services provided will help lift people out of poverty. The predatory check cashing / money wiring businesses prey on ignorance and walk away with massive fees. Credit Unions -- which are non-profits -- will help people manage their money better and be a lesser drain on the rest of us.

Finally, a commenter says: "It would seem the real problem is why can’t thier own countries create opporturnities for them at home. Most of us don’t mind immigrants who want to come here in a legal way as our own forefathers did." Their own countries don't have good opportunities because AMERICAN companies, all full of red white and blue patriotism, close their American factories where much of the middle class rose out of and export the jobs south at miserable slave wages and exploit weak political systems and oligarchies created to make a few VERY rich.

Yes, we should control the flow of people over our border. It's a human rights issue. Undocumented immigrants are more likely to live in poverty in the US and have their labor exploited to drive down wages. But for those here, who want to work, there is enough wealth, enough need, and enough resources for them to contribute to the economy.

What there is not enough of is political will to address the issue compassionately and honestly. The Federal goverment should protect the border and dedicate resources to border states to help those living in this country to get out of and stay out of poverty. Poverty only costs us more. Those living in poverty suffer worse health. The children preform worse in school. They are less likely to raise themselves up. And unless we all become Social Darwinists and are willing to watch people die in the street, then we should do something -- something besides blaming an immigrant class. Rather, we should focus on real solutions.

Special Bonus Non-Immigration Point: Scott says, "I don’t have any kids, yet I have to pay taxes that support schools." You pay to support schools because you reap major benefits from an educated class in the community in which you live. If you are a manager or business owner, it's in your best interest to have an educated applicant pool. That will improve your business. In your day to day business, you'd much rather deal with educated people who can read and write. You know how frustrating it is when you go to McDonald's and they can't seem to get a simple order right? Imagine if your mechanic, bank teller, housing contractor, computer salesman, or copier repairman were all as "dumb." A public education system is considered by most to seperate apart the first and third world economies. Many experts will agree that it was our public education system that helped catapult the United States to a superpower.

Pizza Friday!

I decided to venture out of the office today for pizza, it being Pizza Friday and all. But I didn't want to drive. I've decided I hate driving and want to do it as little as possible. It's 1.3 miles to the place I wanted to check out. Too far to walk. "What's this? Do I have a pair of rollerblades in the trunk of my car? Perhaps I'll skate to lunch... through downtown."

And that's what I did. Only to arrive at Pitfire Pizza Company ten minutes later. There's a Pitfire in North Hollywood, or rather the NoHo Arts District, near one of the many places I've lived in L.A. (I've lived in 6 apartments in 8 years, all in different neighborhoods.) But when I went to Pit Fire in the past, they didn't have cupcakes.

Mmmm. Cupcakes.

Of all that is trendy, I love cupcakes the most. Ugg Boots? Booo! Vacationing in Palau? Booo! Cupcakes? YAY!



This little devil, Red Velvet to be exact, is from Auntie Em's Kitchen in Eagle Rock. I'd never heard of them before Wednesday. Somehow, this was the 2nd cupcake from there I've consumed since Wednesday.

Lunch was wonderful and horrible for me. Thank God I was getting some excercise. With my camera in hand, rather than take the faster route past the freezer warehouses on Central Avenue, I chose to venture through Central City East (that's what the Chamber of Commerce would want you to call it) or as most of us know it, Skid Row.

If I were heading to the north, I'd be passing "Gallery Row." I don't know of any galleries around here, but the city loves to name blocks in totally unrecognizable fashion. Crossing second street to the north takes you into a jungle of civic buildings. The monster on the right is the new CalTrans building. It's ugly and huge. No doubt it was expensive, too. And my freeway on-ramp has been closed for two months while what looks like 3 people rebuild it with a garden spade, some duct tape, and a spray bottle. This building only gets more absurd throughout my trip back to the office. Remember it. It'll fuel some outrage to get you through the weekend.

Alas, I'm heading south, away from the towers of democracy and bureaucracy to the north. Not 30 feet down Main Street, before I reach 3rd, I am distracted by a pock-marked ass staring back at me. As my eyes scan down, I see what looks like a diaper at the knees. Then a pair of tattered socks standing in a small puddle that no doubt was recently made bigger. I never looked up. When I finally did, I found that this bottom and legs belonged to a fully naked woman. She looked around 70 but the streets can age a person. She didn't seem to notice that she was not alone. Or at home. In the shower. It was 3:00 in the afternoon, not more than 100 yards to the door of the Governor's Los Angeles office, and there was a woman so ill -- either physically, mentally, or both -- that she was naked on a public street. And I seemed to be the only person who noticed. I was so distracted, I almost missed Jalisco, a bar or restraurant, or drug den whose door was just feet from my Venus. She has so caught my attention, I almost missed the flag flying over this Spanish-language venue.

In this grungy part of downtown, not far from the glimmering office towers controlling much of the city's commerce, was a little gay oasis. Or was it? Flying the U.S. flag upside down is a sign of distress, made popular by those protesting the government. Does a Rainbow flag flying upside have some mysterious meaning? Was it a warning to gays to stay out? Was there some drag queens being held against their will in the basement making fabulously bedazzled t-shirts for mid-west housewives? I may never know. Because I had more of an adventure ahead.

Immediately across the street from all this excitement was St. Vibiana's, the former Cathedral of the largest Catholic community in the United States. Damaged in the 1994 Northridge earthquake, the Cathedral -- which looks like an unassuming parish from the outside -- was abandoned by the Archbishop when his goal of razing it was scuttled by the efforts of conservationists. Today, St. Vibiana's is the heart of a revitalization that includes turning the sanctuary into a preforming arts space. Meanwhile, the church has moved up the street a few miles into the massive Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels. The new Cathedral, which is one of the largest Catholic Churches in North America, cost more than $300 million. $300,000,000 that could have gone to schools, hospitals, and social programs. Or to pay off the victims of sexual abuse. But that's another story.

Continuing south, I'll look upon one of the last modern, expensive buildings until I reach my office. This photo was taken while looking west down Third Street. You can see high-rises from the Bunker Hill area of Downtown, as well as some of the new lofts which sell for close to a million dollars these days. (At least well over $500k.) The large building filling the front of the picture is the Ronald Reagan State Government Building. It houses the Los Angeles offices of the governor, many elected officials, and state programs. How fitting that the largest building on the edge of Skid Row should be named for the man most responsible for the area's current condition. When governor of California, Ronald Reagan closed many of the state's mental health facilities, leaving the state with a dearth of resources for the mentally ill. Sherriff Lee Baca has referred to the Men's Central Jail, located near downtown, as the largest mental hospital in the country. Under the current California system, it is. The few options for the mentally ill include jail or the street. Another fun anectdote involves another Republican governor of California. Former Governor Pete Wilson had his regional office moved in the Reagan building. At the time, the governor's L.A. staff occupied the largest suite of offices on the top floor, but these offices were along the south and southeast edges of the building, looking right down on to Skid Row. Rather than solve the problem, Gov. Wilson improved the view, moving the Governor's suite to the other side of the top floor into a smaller suite of offices, looking on to the clean, marble facades of the civic center.

Passing the Reagan building is the unofficial gateway into Skid Row. The area is littered with bodies, sleeping, passed out, maybe dead. You'll see lines of people wrapped around buildings, signalling that something is free at that spot: a place to sleep, a shower, or a meal. Many of the services made available in the area are provided by the "missions." The Los Angeles Mission and the Midnight Mission are by far the largest, serving thousands and thousands of men, women, and children every year. The smaller missions, including the Fred Jordan Mission in the photo, might see fewer homeless, but they stick to the religious fervor that brought them to this area in the first place. Word on the street is that many of these missions -- in true Christian spirit -- demand obedience and piety to access services. Meals follow prayers. Beds are made available to those who come to church services. This depressing reach of programs either forces non-believers into a "cult" mentality, or tricks the providers into thinking they are enriching the souls of the homeless, not just their bodies.

"Comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable." In the early 20th Century, Dorothy Day and Peter Maurin founded the Catholic Worker Movement. Every day, in my office, Dorothy Day looks down upon me. A photo of her, along with her words, "Our problems stem from our acceptance of this filthy, rotten system," hangs upon my wall. The ideas they started manifested in the Catholic Worker Communities, or "houses", that dot the nation providing service to others. These final vestiges of true communism are not as famous as programs like the Salvation Army, but they exist and grow and strive for a better place. This photo is of the unassuming Catholic Worker house in Los Angeles. A group of homeless gather outside, likely waiting for dinner, or some other program. The agency I work for started in the dining room of this Catholic Worker House. The orange shopping carts outside, which are seen all over Skid Row, are provided by the Catholic Workers. As my journey is coming to a close -- only a few more blocks to go -- I am reminded of the influence that one humble servant can have on others. Dorothy Day has inspired thousands to give up everything they own to serve those who own nothing. Maybe it's not a call I can or will ever answer, but it shows me that there is another way available besides flocking to the crystal towers of commerce and power found at the beginning of my trek.

This short skate back to the office really was a journey. It started because I wanted something -- pizza. I am a consumer. I want for very little. I sat in a restaurant with others like me. People of means, many of influence. People that could have made a change. I sat among buildings that cost hundred of millions to build. St. Vibiana's was abandoned for a $300 million alternative. The high-tech CalTrans facility, with its solar panels and exterior stair cases, cost hundreds of millions. In the lot across from Pitfire, the Los Angeles Police Department is building a new office complex that is estimated to cost over $450 million. All these buildings, all this wealth, provide little more than shade to the thousands -- it's estimated that about 10,000 homeless people live on Skid Row -- sleeping in tents erected on asphalt streets.

We build these temples of wealth. Buildings built soley for the purpose of making and spending money. We occupy them. And then we spend even more to take us away from them. Billions on freeways and luxury cars. I am reminded of what we'll spend money on as I skate down the last block before my office. Amidst the poverty and despair is a temple built for pleasure. A building, an industry, dedicated solely to release. The Midtowne Spa, a bathhouse providing sexual activity for a fee.



Thank you for taking this journey with me. I hope you enjoyed it and learned from it, like I did.

You might be asking or wondering, but I chose not to photograph my Venus, or most of the people I encountered, because I wanted to respect their dignity. And I didn't want to get beat up. These people have very little. Their dignity, for the time being, they cling to. It's only a matter of time before that, too, is taken from them. For some, it's too late.

Whatever Happened To?

The guys who were actually singing for Milli Vanilli? Did we ever find out who they were? Why didn't they become stars? Stars, I ask?



It's a tragedy... a tragedy!

My Big Gay TV

When I moved into my house, we had Comcast Cable. Of course, that wouldn't last long, and Comcast was bought by Time Warner. TW picked up all of LA's cable operations, buying Comcast and Adelphia. The past couple of months, we've had to adjust to the changes.

This week, TW re-ordered all the channels about 100. They moved things around by genre. Seems smart. Apparently, they also junked some channels and added new ones. I figured this change was gonna include the gay-oriented LOGO network. I was right.

We now have LOGO. What a disappointment. Last night I watched some mean, unfunny lesbian until I fell asleep. (She had some Comedy Central special at some time and LOGO loves to rerun shows from it's Viacom corporate cousins.) This morning, I turn on the TV expecting Diane Sawyer, my lovely little Republican Southern Beauty Queen mistress. Unfortunately, I left the telly on LOGO last night and instead of GMA, Dianne Sawyer and the dreamy Chris Cuomo, I get a documentary about unfunny lesbian comics -- including the one from midnight.

But here's what really bugs. There was a commercial for "natural male enhancement." Apparently, they now make a boner creme. Except the commercial featured a woman talking about getting "fulfilled" by her boy. The "NME" commercials on LOGO aren't smart enough to feature gay couples. That's bullshit!



See, in this video, you have the gay pop "sensation" Nemesis. They are twin brothers. They are gay. They were raised Jehovah's Witnesses. They have a reality show on LOGO. Their entire career is about being gay artists. And in their video they are rolling around with women.

That's bullshit.

I love you Dangerous Muse. At least you understand the whole fag thing.