Wednesday, January 31, 2007

No comment.

Yours Truly

I'm feeling a little vain today.

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Another one down...

I just survived another potluck. Will it be my last?

That depends, have you found me a job yet?

Monday, January 29, 2007

Find me a new job, dammit!

I need a new job. I'm an awesome person. Real smartlike. But I guess my experience in Fundraising blows... as in I've worked for nuts or at lame organizations. Should I stay or should I go...

This is very "real me" right now...

So find me a job!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

In the annals of appropriate names...

...can be found this.
CHICAGO (AP) - A man has been charged with trying to extort $1.5 million from Oprah Winfrey by threatening to release recorded telephone conversations he claimed would hurt her reputation, according to the FBI and published reports.

Keifer Bonvillain, 36, targeted a person identified only as "a public figure and the owner of a Chicago-based company," according to a criminal complaint filed in U.S. District Court.

Although, would Bonvillain mean "good villain?" Perhaps, after having been caught, he should consider changing his name to Malvillain.

Note: Previously in the annals...

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Yesterday...

Yesterday was the 34th anniversary of the Supreme Court's decision in Roe v. Wade. I will always support choice (ahem, Mitt Romney... more on that to come). More importantly, I'll support young people kicking ass!

You go, Sarah Weddington. You still make me feel lame.

Let Olive... win an Oscar!

Olive from Little Miss Sunshine


She made me laugh! She changed my life! This 10 year-old bitch deserves an Oscar!

Thursday, January 18, 2007

5 Things You Wish You Knew About Me

I've been hit with the "5 Things..." BS and I'm struggling with it because, well honestly, I pretty much tell everyone everything I'd be willing to tell in the first place. Remember, I'm the guy who told his mom when the doctor thought he had syphilis. (I didn't have it, by the way.) Unfortunately, JenMac hit me with this so I need to pull something together.

All you have to do is write five things in your blog that your readers don't know about you. Then pick five new people to do the same. If you've already participated in this, or are about to at someone else's behest, don't sweat it. I never did like chain emails, and this is enough like them that I'll understand if you want no part of it. But it's less dumb and more fun.
Observe: http://jenmacjen.blogspot.com/

1) I hate the song, "Amazing Grace." I don't dislike it, I hate it. I hate when I hear it. I leave the room if I can. It has no place in a Catholic Church, and certainly no place among those with any taste in music. Until I heard a version on piano by this guy, Elijah Brossenbroek. Okay, so he's a MySpace spammer, but I love piano music and can tolerate his version of the song.

2) I am afraid of my voice. When I was trying to be a good, closeted gay, I always thought my voice was gonna give me a way. It's not particularly feminine but it has a quality to it. I can't place it. My mother's voice is a little shrill and New Yorky. My dad's is pretty deep. Mine, there's something just gay about it. Fortunately, my brother's voice is a little gay, too, so I would try to hide behind that. Also, fortunately, I'm gay. So having a gayish voice is okay. My poor brother.

3) I never read a single book all the way through in high school and college. I'd skim. I'd read the Cliff Notes. I'd watch the movie. The first real book I read from cover to cover was Kurt Vonnegut's Timequake. I read it in the summer of 2000, about 2 months after graduating from college. This means I only have a passing familiarity with the books I was assigned in high school and college and I missed out on most of the classics that a person of my age and intelligence should have read.

4) I never proofread a single blog post. Sure, point out a mistake and I'll fix it. Otherwise you get the crap exactly as it comes out of my head. All its inperfections in place.

5) I like me. This is just as much for me as it is for you. I need to know that I like me right now. I don't always.

And now you know.

As for who I'll hit up, this will take more thought. I read a lot of blogs, but don't count many among my friends. I'll see what I can come up with.
The DEA led a raid on a bunch of legal -- according to California law -- medical marijuana dispensaries. The raids resulted in the seizure of thousands of pounds of marijuana. While I am sure some of this pot finds it ways into the hands of the healthy, I think the vast majority is consumed by AIDS patients, cancer-survivors and other terminally ill.

What I don't get it is the hypocrisy of our government. Recently I've been suffering from an "itch." In the span of 5 weeks I've been prescribed 9 drugs to deal with the problem: Ativan (an anti-anxiety drug that causes drowsiness), Atarax (an anti-histamine), Fexofenadine (another anti-histamine), Loratadine (yet another anti-histimine, Fluocinonide (a steroid cream), Betamethasone (a stronger steroid cream), a Pennicilin injection, a corticosteroid injection, and 2 regimens of Methylprednisolone (a steroid).

For an itch.

An itch that turned out to be simply scabies, which is treated with one dose of a lotion. Most of those drugs did no good.

Medical marijuana works. It helps relieve pain, and more importantly, improves appetite that is supressed by the hundreds of chemicals that Big Pharma floods into the veins of the severly ill. Or the moderately ill. Or the people with a sniffle.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Why all the judgment?

It's Friday. Pizza Friday. Even though I always have work to do on Fridays -- because I put it off all week -- I often feel like Fridays are for play. So I troll around MySpace and stuff.

I find people I used to know. People my age. Often younger. I see pictures of their kids and I immediately think, "teenage sluts."

I am 28. I could have attended college, met a girl, graduated, got a job, got married and have a 6 or 7 year old child. I forget that sometimes.

Shit. A 6 year old kid? At my age?

The Hushed Tones of Racism

I am used to two types of racism:

1) The boisterous, over-the-top jokes, inneuendo, and slurs that clearly represent satire more than a longing for segregation and lynch mobs. (My brother provides most of this for me.)

2) The silent disdain for other people that manifest itself in dirty looks, shaking heads, and the crossing of the street so as to avoid passing someone looking "thuggish." (This comes from just about everyone in Los Angeles, regardless of their own race.)

I figured the days of newspaper editorials and vocal racist tirades had passed, at least in diverse communities like Los Angeles County.

I was wrong.

Vallarta Supermarkets


My hometown has been involved in a little controversy over the past year that came to a head this week with the opening of a Vallarta Supermarket in a shopping center that has been without an anchor for over a year. The previous tenant, Albertsons, high-tailed it out of the center to spaking-new one in a massive, cookie-cutter development. Vallarta Supermarkets expressed an interest in bringing their Hispanic-themed / targeted store to the Santa Clarita Valley. The Santa Clarita Valley may seem small by L.A. standards, but it is home to about 200,000 people and in Southern California, I believe it's safe to assume that a few of them my be hispanic. And of those that aren't, I think its further safe to assume that a good number enjoy hispanic foods and culture.

Of course, a hispanic market means that busloads of illegal immigrants will be coming in to buy groceries, loot neighborhoods, sign kids up for gangs, deal drugs to lonely housewives, and other unwhite activities that subvert our good Christian homes and God-given Americanism. (I really like that word, Americanism. That and "truthiness.")

Naturally, the righteous went to the Internets and set up shop at SaveOldOrchardShoppingCenter.com. How exactly you save a shopping center by blocking its newest, largest tenant and thus force most of the center to remain vacant is beyond me. What's more interesting are some of the priceless criticisms of the coming Vallarta:

"Food Stamps Accepted." -- Assuming, of course, that no other grocery stores accept Food Stamps, which isn't the case. Ralphs, Vons, the previous Albertson, and even Pavilions and Gelsons all accept Food Stamps.

"The Vallarta Market will not serve me. I want a market that serves all of the communities." --Assuming, of course, that Trader Joe's would serve all of the communities! The small, trendy chain was touted as a better alternative by critics, despite the fact that in over a year the chain never expressed interest in moving in to the slot or that there's another TJ's just a short drive away. And while I like TJ's, I don't think it really serves the majority of grocery shoppers. It's the single people's store.

Check out the Vallarta web site. You may notice that it's an attractive alternative for an already crowded grocery environment. You may also notice that the web site is in English with no Spanish option. Fear not, mighty racists of Valencia.

Vallarta fills a great niche in Southern California -- an area littered with Spanish and Latin influence. For crying out loud, the new store is in the City of Santa Clarita. That's ain't German, people. It should be welcomed.

And the NIMBY's should be shot.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Great Achievements in Douchebaggery

Welcome to a new feature (and if you follow "new features" here, you know this is likely the only installment, so enjoy it while you can) called "Great Achievements in Douchebaggery."

Today's GAID is brought to you by the right honorable Rudolph Giuliani, former Mayor of New York, crusader against the poor and homeless, Angel of Terror, and America's Mayor:

It reminds me a little of the problem I faced in reducing crime in New York.

-- Rudy Giuliani (R), on the Hannity & Colmes Show last night, about the Iraq war.

Courtesy of Taegan Goddard's Political Wire

Yes, Mr. Mayor, I very much remember the IEDs placed along the Great White Way! Remember that time that Brooklyn insurgents held the bridge under control for 3 months and hung those ConEd workers from its span?

We know Rudy is running for president. Apparently, he's acting like the campaign is a job interview down at Wal Mart.

Manager: This job requires a lot of heavy lifting. Can you do that?

Rudy:
Yes sir. It's a lot like when I was mayor of New York. One time, there was a small fire in my office from when I left my crack pipe too close to some union contracts. I was able to quickly move all the heavy bags of bribes before firefighters arrived with Federal investigators. Oh, and I look really good in a smock!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?

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I feel like I'm living in after-school special today. For several days, I've been procrastinating on pulling together this report for work. I figured I could BS my way through a few delays and inquiries by the uppity-ups.

I got an early start on the day today because today I was gonna write like a rockstar. To prepare myself, I didn't take a sleeping pill last night -- the first since my doctor gave me the prescription in mid-December to help me sleep through the itching. (It's not really a sleeping pill. Apparently, it's anxiety medication that has a lovely sleepy side-affect.) I was going to do amazing work today.

I sit down at my computer and I can't focus. Literally. My contacts have been a little screwy lately and today it's really bad. I didn't bring glasses as a back-up. I can barely read this post, and that's after I've changed my display settings up to 800 x 600 on a 19" monitor. My computer looks like one of those kiddie computers, a modern "Speak & Spell."

The moral of the story is clearly that if you are going to put off work for a week, have lasik in the morning.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

It's an Obsession

On Christmas Eve, I was hanging out at home, along, waiting to head to this cool Russian Greek Catholic service, when I turned on the telly. Being Christmas Eve, my choices were few. But much like the Ten Commandments pops up every Palm Sunday, the Sound of Music is a CE staple.

I must admit I've never seen the SOM all the way through. This year, however, I watched about an hour of it including "The Lonely Goatherd."

I am now obsessed with this song. Oh, and I hate Gwen sampling it.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Nobody Walks In LA

Our good friends at Metro (formerly the MTA, and before that the Rapid Transit District (RTD) -- quickly realizing that "rapid" was an offensive misnomer.) run a fun little software program on their web site that allows you to map out routes using public transportation. It's how I get lunch downtown when I decide to venture from my hole.

Occassionally, I consider commuting to work on the Metro bus system, especially when I get behind in my reading. Today, when trying to figure out how I would get to work, their web site's new feature scared the crap out of my CHEAP ass self!

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My average daily commute costs me almost $20 in gas, wear and tear on my car, and associated costs of driving (insurance, registration, etc.). I need to do something about this.

Then I am reminded that the only bus route that Metro.net will map out for me involves me either walking or driving more than 5 miles around Marina del Rey!

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The computer can't handle the concept of water.

Fortunately, I can always call 1-800-COMMUTE and talk with the always helpful Metro employees. Try it. Call for LA County. "We're sorry. Your call can not be completed."

Let me be your host

Bitch gave me scabies!

While I found it remarkably easy to move on after my summer romance, my skin seems to have taken it much harder. I've spent that past 2 1/2 months in the miserable hell of a scabies infestation.

While scabies isn't clinically a sexually transmitted infection/disease (STI/STD), it is most often spread through intimiate skin-to-skin contact. Therefore, I guess it counts.

After 2 1/2 months, I'm glad to know what it is. I am not, however, happy that it took 5 doctors and bumps on my junk to stress me out.

The timelines is crazy and textbook. My ex -- the walking petri dish -- left for a cruise ship job. He came back 3 months later. Early. Supposedly missing me was part of it. Intimacy resumes. A month later, he breaks it off. (Phew. Good for us all.) Within a week or two, I start getting itchy. But I have no rashing, no dry skin. Just itching.

Well, scabies infestations take 4-6 weeks to manifest the itching, which is an allergic reaction to the prescence of the burrowing mites. The mites themselves, don't cause much. It's all about the allergic reacion, which is why it seems worse in some people than in others.

I specifically remember the petri dish being really itchy before we broke up. The night before, in my car, I insisted he put on some lotion because the scratching was driving me up a wall. Little did I know what was coming my way.

At our Christmas party, the last time I really noticed the petri dish in a room (and since my itching started), I noticed him scratching himself a lot -- specifically in the areas I was scratching: the waist, the wrist and elbows, the ankles.

After I finally was diagnosed, I, of course, called the petri dish, so he could go take care of himself. "What itching?" "No, I'm not having any problems." "Must have gotten it somewhere else." "I'm fine." Likely.

The whole thing is funny to me because it has showed me what type of person I am. I don't mind talking about it because I don't have any shame in my actions. I'm 28 years old. If I want to be sexually active, that's my right. If I want to share my bed, that's normal. Unfortunately, these things come with the terroritory and there shouldn't be any shame.

I wonder how many people are spreading herpes, HPV, even scabies -- hell, not to mention things much worse like HIV -- because they are too ashamed to confront their partners?

I've had one house guest since the break-up. We talked about it and how he should consider talking to his doctor. There was no shame or blame in our conversation. Just a collective sigh-of-relief that soon I should stop it with the obnoxious itching.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Against my better judgement...

I'm going to vent on this email I got in the parade of emails and text messages on Christmas. I know I shouldn't blog about real people that I encounter in my real life because odds are good that they will find out about how much they annoy me, but this guy kind of deserves it and I'm entitled to a few freebies.

Someone I know, unforuntately, very well is not a Godly person. He is not that spiritual (in my opinion) and certainly is not religious. His family isn't. I doubt many friends are. And yet he sends this innane email:
I hope everyone is having a wonderful day today. And I'm sorry if I
offended the Jews among you, but you know what I'm trying to say.
Peace and Love always,

If you don't care about your non-Christian or non-Christmas-celebrating friends enough to self-censor a gratuitous mass email, maybe you shouldn't send along Christmas wishes to anyone? Would it kill you to pull out the non-Christmas-celebrating friends and send them a different, lame, two-line email? Or even better, spend 15 mintues dropping 2 personal sentences to each of your friends? And since he didn't have the consideration to BCC the email, I know that it only went out to 28 people. How difficult would that have been?

I just have to know.